Desiderata
by my-chemical-romanoff
Summary: Two souls strive to find happiness, but will living with regrets of their pasts let them find happiness? Blackfrost.
1. Show me how to be whole again

**"****Bring me home in a blinding dream,**  
**Through the secrets that I have seen**  
**Wash the sorrow from off my skin**  
**And show me how to be whole again"**

**Castle of Glass ~Linkin Park**

The grains of wood began to part as a fingernail etched between a thin coat of varnish. A vertical line no bigger than the maker's fingertip was permanently engraved into the mahogany bedpost, standing alongside two equally small and jagged lines.

"Is this how you intend to treat what I have given you?" a woman's voice echoed. She spoke softly, but there was as evident motherly strictness in her tone. "You are no longer a child, Loki," she continued. "If this is what three days has done to you, then I worry…"

"Do you now?" Loki sat up in his bed to turn towards the golden-haired goddess standing before his bleak and empty cage. "Well, at least someone has the heart to care."

"You know full well that you have brought this on yourself!" Frigga warned, raising her voice as she stepped towards Loki's bed. She waved her hand and a golden chair cushioned with emerald velvet appeared before the god's bedside.

"Keeping me company?" Loki asked with a forced chuckle.

"Yes," Frigga breathed. She understood that humour was her son's way of coping with the stress. Frigga seated herself, observing the way Loki's hands fidgeted in his lap. "I have tried reasoning with your father…" Loki grunted in disapproval at her word choice. Frigga ignored his childish remark before continuing. "Give him time. I promise that he will come around. For now, I expect you understand why you are here. I agree that you deserve this punishment."

"Eternal banishment," Loki scowled.

"It is a far fairer option than death!" the goddess warned with narrowed eyes.

Loki couldn't recall ever seeing Frigga with such an icy look in her eyes. Sure, he had angered her with his antics in the past, but things were different now. Lives had been lost, a city lay in ruins… all because of his actions. Loki felt no remorse, though. He was only acting out as a ruler, a king. All his life, he was promised a throne, so he had simply acted on his innermost desire. Unfortunately, not even Frigga approved of his rampage over Midgard, but if not for her, Odin would have had him lopped apart limb from limb the second Thor returned him to Asgard. "If you are so disgusted in me, then you should have let me die," the trickster muttered, lowering his gaze to the ground.

Frigga's lips formed a thin line as her hands reached out to grasp Loki's cold hand. "You do not deserve death, Loki," she calmly began. "Death is an unfair punishment, and I see redemption within you."

"Unfortunately, Odin fails to see that." Loki pulled his hand away, instantly missing the warmth of her hands.

"Disappointment has clouded his judgment."

Loki snorted at her comment. "If all I am is a disappointment, then I might as well do him a favour by slipping a noose around my neck, seeing that falling from the Bifrost couldn't end me."

"Loki Odinson!" Frigga snapped. Her chair screeched against the floor as she abruptly rose to her feet. "That is no way to speak!" she shouted, her voice echoing and making Loki flinch. "He is angry, Loki. As am I!" The trickster kept his eyes glued to the ground. "We only want you to see that you have caused a great deal of pain and destruction! The peace has been disrupted, and you are the cause!"

The raven-haired god clenched his jaw. Frigga was of no help in making him feel any better. For once, she was making him feel worse. He glared up at her beneath his lashes and felt his heart sink to his stomach as he saw her eyes clouded with tears.

"Tell me that you have not lost hope…" Frigga paused as their eyes met. "Are you truly so unhappy that you would choose to take your own life?" Tears began rolling down her flushed cheeks as Loki's lower lip trembled. "Please, Loki," she pleaded, dropping to her knees. "Even the most lost soul can find right path. Please know that, Loki," the goddess urged, desperately reaching for his hands. "I want nothing more than for you to be happy."

Happiness… Loki felt hot tears sting his eyes at her words. Frigga always saw the good in everyone, yet Loki questioned his worth. Did he deserve to be happy? He felt so lost, so far from the path of righteousness-was redemption even possible? His recent trip to Midgard forced him to recall all that he had learned about a certain Natasha Romanoff. Her hands were much dirtier than his, yet she carried on, holding her head high. Was she happy, though? Or did the weight of her burdens plague her day after day? Loki didn't wish to live like that. Living with his wrongs was too much of a cross to bear. How he wished to be a child again, so young and naïve. Not a care in the world…

"Loki?"

The warmth of his mother's fingers against his cheek brought Loki to his senses.

"I love you, Loki," Frigga breathed. "You are my son, and you always will be…" She got up to wrap her arms around the god's neck. "Your happiness is mine," she added. I swear that I will reason with Odin to get you out of here, so long as you promise me that you will own up to your mistakes. There is still good in your heart," Frigga promised, grabbing his cheeks and looking straight into his emerald orbs. "Don't forget that." Loki gave her a blank stare. "Answer me, Loki," she ordered in a loving yet stern tone.

After a weak nod, Frigga smiled and slowly brought her hands to her sides.

"Would you like me to bring you some books to occupy you?" she offered.

Loki folded his hands in his lap. "Yes," he muttered. "Please." Frigga vanished from his view, leaving Loki alone with his thoughts. Letting his mother down was the last thing Loki wanted to do, yet she was the only one who seemed to believe in him. Was righting his wrongs even worth it? Surely all of Asgard, along with Midgard, would eternally resent him even if he was declared a Saint. How did Agent Romanoff achieve her redemption? Clint Barton had divulged that she was a murderer, as well as a woman wanted by S.H.I.E.L.D., yet she currently worked for the very agency that attempted to end her life. Loki scowled as he mentally cursed the redhead. Was it all trickery? She was certainly a devious one, seeing that she managed to outwit his clever mind. Loki's blood began to boil as he recalled her snarky smile.

_"__Thank you for your cooperation."_

His fist collided with the wall as thoughts of the Black Widow crowded his mind. What did she have that he didn't? Why was _she_ more worthy of redemption than he? Was he even worthy of anything? Loki rolled onto his back. Three days of confinement was making him restless and his short temper wasn't helping. Why couldn't he be good enough? Why wasn't he _ever _good enough? Thor had the throne and the love of two parents, Agent Romanoff had the trust of people who were once her enemies… Loki had nothing but the clothes on his back and a four-walled enclosure to keep him locked away from the rest of the world.

In an ideal world, Loki would be the beloved son. He would be a King, and no one would stand in his way! Especially not a know-it-all redheaded assassin. His thoughts all seemed to come down to her. Loki didn't like that one bit, but her cool attitude and cocky grin continued plaguing his thoughts. How he wished to break her. Threatening her with Barton wasn't enough, so what would kick her off her high horse for good?

Loki closed his eyes and brought himself back to his glass cage on Midgard. He couldn't turn back time, but his imagination was free to explore the possibilities of what could have been… Before him would stand Natasha, arms crossed as she stood her ground to watch the caged beast before her. He would slam his fist against the glass so hard that it would shatter into a million tiny pieces as it scattered all around their feet. There would be no barrier, and no help to come and rescue Natasha. A devilish grin from Loki would remind the assassin that there would be no escape for her. He would grab the woman by the wrists and pin her body against his. Loki could only imagine how thrilling her cries of anger would sound as she kicked and struggled to break free. But he wouldn't let go-not until he had her begging on her knees for forgiveness. Loki began to imagine a look of desperation in the woman's eyes as her full lips parted to utter his name.

The god's eyes fluttered open as the tightness pressing against his trousers became unbearable. His pent-up frustrations definitely needed release. Quickly, Loki cast a spell over his cell to give his neighbouring fiends the illusion that he was asleep. His fingers worked to unclasp his pants' buttons, allowing for his hardened length to be free. He gingerly began stroking himself, all while imagining Natasha's skillful hands. Would she be so delicate, though? Having been made his prisoner, she would surely be furious, and her actions would show it. Loki's fingers squeezed his cock, making him sharply cry out. Yes. Natasha would show him no mercy. Loki forcefully rubbed his length, arching his hips as he lost himself to his fantasy. He envisioned Natasha giving him a playful smirk as she saw the power she held over him.

Loki furrowed his brows as he stopped mid-stroke. No, he was supposed to be the one in control over _her. _The god brought himself onto his knees and after a quick incantation, his very own Agent Romanoff lay beneath his body.

"Loki." Her voice beckoned him as her legs secured themselves around his narrow hips.

She felt all too entirely real to him. Loki brought the tip of his cock to her entrance and gasped as he felt her heat. The illusion brought forth such pleasure to the god's pulsing member that he wasted no time in taking her in one delicious thrust. The fake Natasha cried out, making Loki's grin widen. All of Loki's bottled up anger and frustration was taken out on the assassin as his hips slammed against hers. "Whatever happened to your confidence?" he hissed into the false-Natasha's ear. "You are no longer in control," he added, grabbing a fistful of her hair. "I have made you mine!" Loki seethed. "I am a King! A true King-a _rightful _Ki-!" Loki's body stiffened as his orgasm took over and a snarl escaped his throat. He began to see black and in the midst of his release, Natasha vanished.

The moment passed and Loki found himself panting, his bed sheets and pants stained with his juices. He collapsed onto his belly and with a wave of his hand, the mess was gone and he had made himself look presentable. The enchantment over the cell disappeared, for Loki had drifted off into a deep slumber.

* * *

"You sure you're holding up okay, Nat?" Clint asked, eying his partner as she fastened a holster to her thigh.

"I should be the one to ask you that," she remarked under her breath. Three days after an alien invasion and she was needed on the field. Fury owed her big time as far as vacation time was concerned.

"Did he mess with you, too?" Clint softly asked, watching Natasha's every move. She seemed more reserved than usual. Natasha could say she was fine, but Clint knew her well enough to know when something was off. "Natasha?"

"No." Her tone was colder than intended, but Clint had it coming. This was the ninth time he asked if she was okay. Quite honestly, she wasn't. Some complete stranger from a land of myth knew her deepest secrets, the ones she entrusted with those closest to her, aka, Barton and Fury. Natasha still had a bone to pick with Loki, and unfortunately, he was long gone. A shame since she personally wanted to kick his ass all the way back to Asgard herself… Maybe another day. "Try not to have too much fun here without me," the spy sarcastically remarked. She grabbed a beat-up backpack and slung it over her shoulder.

"Because cleaning up the city's gonna be a blast," Clint chuckled.

"You never know," Natasha shrugged. "Twenty bucks says Stark's gonna be hammered while on duty." Clint laughed, but Natasha could sense that he was still concerned about her. She hoped that a few days of being out of town would help Clint forget that she was still hung up about Loki. Natasha rolled her eyes. Maybe a mission would do her some good…


	2. It was you who held me under

Sleep. That was the only thing Loki had that was worthwhile. Frigga, however, disapproved and brought him a generous stack of books upon realizing that her son didn't leave the confines of his bed for a whole day.

"Where else have I to go?" Loki snarkily remarked, his back turned to her.

"You should have at least gotten up to eat," Frigga scolded. The plate of bread and meats she had a servant bring him in the morning remained untouched. "I've talked with Odin, Loki," she continued, hoping to get him to at least _look_ at her. "He will change his mind." Loki answered with a mocking snort. "He _will_, Loki, or so help me, I will change that man's mind _for_ him!"

"If you have that power, then why not use it now?" the trickster drawled, burying his face deeper into his pillow.

Frigga's mouth formed a thin line as she observed the man. "Because I feel that more time here will do you good. Your attitude is far from pleasant."

At this, Loki slowly rose, stretching his back as he seated himself on the bed's edge. "I fear that I may be forced to serve out Odin's punishment, then," Loki exhaled, eyes fixed to the floor. "A lifetime in a cage..."

"Loki, please do not-" She paused as her son's glassy eyes bore into her own. They were the empty eyes of a lost soul. A man with nothing else left to lose. Whatever happened to the bright, joyful eyes of her little boy? Loki's dead stare and grave expression made Frigga clasp a hand over her mouth in an effort to stifle a choked sob. He used to be so happy… "Forgive me…" The goddess vanished, leaving behind a fading cloud of golden specks. Her little boy was gone, replaced with an empty shell of his former self.

"I am a lost cause, Mother," Loki drawled before relaxing on his side.

* * *

Having no sense of time, Loki was unsure of how long Frigga had been absent. Time moved painfully slow and second felt like minutes, and minutes turned into hours. Loki noticed a disruption in the low humming of his cell's electric walls, followed by the gentle clack of porcelain against the hard ground. He assumed that it was his dinner, brought to him only by Frigga's generosity. The scent of beef and potatoes wafted into his nostrils, making the god's stomach growl. He ignored the ache in his gut in hopes that starvation would end him before boredom took its toll. The best part about starving himself was that it made him weak, making sleep come much easier.

_Loki found himself in a darkened hallway with slate walls. The air was muggy, making him uncomfortable and eager to find an escape. He spun on his heel, but found no traces of light. Loki chose to blindly venture forward in hopes that he would find his way out of this nightmare. _

_"__Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence," Frigga's voice recited. _

_The trickster froze in place as he looked left, then right. Just up ahead, he spotted the faintest trace of light peeking out from behind a wall. Loki broke out into a sprint, ignoring the sound of his Mother's gentle voice. He rounded the corner and was greeted with a cool breeze. Unlike the previous hallway, this one had candles guiding his path and a scarlet carpet that stretched out towards an open balcony. _

_"__Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism." _

_Frigga's voice continued to lecture Loki as he ran towards the setting sun at the end of the hall. He ignored the blinding light as fresh air entered his lungs. Even if this was only a dream, Loki felt free. Here, he had an escape, a new world to explore. His feet slowed as the bright orange sun forced him to squint his eyes. Loki lowered his eyes and suddenly noticed that he was standing on a cast shadow of a curvy silhouette in between the shorter shadows belonging to a row of columns. Loki lifted a hand and covered his brow to block the obnoxious sunlight. Standing before a balcony was the unmistakable shape of a woman. Loki didn't dare blink as he observed the curls cascading down her back. Her hair was the colour of the sunset, and her flowing dress the colour of his eyes. Loki had never seen such a woman in all his years. How lucky he was to be alone with such a stunning creature. The woman began to turn and Loki found himself fixated by her delicate feminine curves. She had such small hands, an ample bosom…The blaring sun died down allowing for Loki to make out a smile spread across her full red lips. Loki wondered if he had died and gone to Valhalla. _

_"__Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass."_

_She was perfect! The woman carefully approached him and Loki flashed her his signature smirk. So graceful, so elegant, she was…"Agent Romanoff," Loki gasped. _

_Natasha looked up at him beneath her long lashes and winked._

Loki woke with a start, his chest heaving as he felt a cold sweat break out.

"Loki!" Frigga dropped the book she was holding and grabbed her son's hands. "Did you have a nightmare, Loki?" she worriedly asked.

"A dream…" He took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled.

Frigga watched the panic wash away from his eyes before beginning to speak. "Would you care to talk about it?"

Loki closed his eyes and saw Natasha Romanoff staring at him with a knowing smirk. "I heard your voice," he admitted. "It sounded as though you were reciting something. A poem, a story…"

"I thought you were awake." Frigga reached for her book with a smile on her face. "You must be a very perceptive sleeper," she added with a laugh.

Loki didn't answer. He was still reeling from his dream, so fresh in his mind. Everything had felt so real, but weren't all dreams like that?

"Is something the matter, Loki?" Frigga prodded.

"Do you believe that our dreams hold meaning?" he wondered aloud. Frigga was known for having a strong sense of prophecy and he had nothing else better to do.

Frigga hummed in approval as she straightened her posture on the stool where she sat. "What were you dreaming of?"

Loki was hesitant to say anything about a certain assassin, but the prior course of his subconscious wanderings were harmless to divulge. "I was alone," he began. "In complete darkness, and then I heard your voice." Loki could already feel Frigga's vibrant smile. "That was when I found a light that guided me towards an open sky. There was a beautiful sunset…" He paused, recalling Natasha's vibrant red curls. "The most stunning shades of red I have ever seen…"

Frigga handed Loki her leather-bound tome. "You struggle to find the right path," she matter-of-factly stated. "It is I who will help you… And you know that I _will _help you, Loki." Her hopeful eyes met with his.

Loki stared into Frigga's crystal blue eyes while his mind freely wandered. He firmly believed that Frigga would help him, but what of Natasha? Perhaps she held a key role in helping him find redemption, as well… She would know how to help him better than anyone. The only problem was finding her. Loki's current holding cell restricted his magical abilities, so there was no way he could pull any tricks to contact her. Unless… Luckily, Loki's mind worked quickly. "Thor was waiting for me in that light," he continued. "Accompanied with all of his newfound friends… You don't suppose they play a role in my redemption, as well?"

The goddess' mouth formed an 'o' of surprise. Frigga felt her heart swell when Loki managed a genuine smile. "I will have another word with Odin. I believe that we can work out an agreement…"

**"Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state**  
**A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake**  
**No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber**  
**Until I realize that it was you who held me under"**

**Blinding ~Florence and the Machine**


	3. Forced to live in this mess I've made

While Frigga was away, out discussing matters with Odin, Loki began skimming through the book she had been reading to him. He was interested in finding the poem she had been reciting in his dream. That, and there wasn't exactly anything exciting to do in a prison cell. If all went as planned, then Loki would be freed from his cell, temporarily, at least. He knew that there was little hope, though, seeing that Odin was a vile old man who probably found the frost giant's suffering amusing. He scowled at the thought of Asgard's King and continued flipping through the tome's yellowed pages. How did that poem even go? Something about a sunset? No-that was all in the dream, Loki reminded himself. Love. He _did _recall a verse about love. How did that line go? _'Love is for children, I owe him a debt.'_ Loki shook his head as Natasha's voice spoke. That certainly wasn't it… He paused and shut the book as his mind began to wander. Suppose his dream _was _a prophecy that Natasha was a part of. Were they to fall in love? If his dream was indeed some sort of prophecy, then were they to marry and live out a happy life? Loki snorted at the idea, however, he would gladly indulge himself with her body. Perhaps relieving his need for intimacy was going to bring him happiness, because it certainly would. Odin would have him locked up forever if that was the case. Gods forbid there was a sudden spark of Jotun half-breeds running amuck. Loki couldn't help but smirk at the thought. Sex and displeasing Odin-_that _was a lifestyle Loki could live with!

On a more serious note, Loki was curious as to what would happen if he was allowed to speak with Natasha in person. Would she tell him how to make amends with his life? She was a sneaky vixen-perhaps she would toy with him. Loki stared out past the wall of his cell, imagining the assassin's face if she could see him now. He certainly wasn't the high and mighty god that he was on Midgard. His woven forest green shirt was heavily wrinkled and his hair was a knotted, greasy mess from the lack of a brush, not to mention, a bath.

"Loki?"

Unvexed, the trickster turned his head at the sound of Frigga's voice. She was seated before his bed wearing a cheerful grin.

"Your Father would like a word," she began. "But first, you will visit the bath. The water has been freshly drawn and I have clean clothes awaiting you."

Always the motherly figure, even towards a grown man, and a convict no less. That was the last thing that Loki should have been concerned about, though. Was Odin changing his mind? He felt weights grip his wrists, followed by a quiet apology from Frigga.

"The guards will lead you. Make no trouble for them, Loki," she sternly noted.

Loki nodded as he eyed his silver handcuffs, engraved with Asgardian runes put there by Odin to restrict Loki's magic. "Thank you, Mother," Loki added, flashing the goddess a crooked smile. She was one hell of a mother if she could change the mighty All-Father's mind!

* * *

Loki submerged himself into the scalding hot water, enjoying how the heat took away the numbness. A bath had never felt so amazing. He soon came up for air and leaned back against the tub's marble side. Loki reached for the nearest bottle of shampoo and began massaging the sweet-smelling liquid into his scalp and eliminating days worth of knots and grease. As much as he wanted to savour the moment, Loki was eager to know what Odin had to say to him. He quickly soaped up and rinsed off before leaving the cloudy bath water to dry off. Loki couldn't help but notice the two muscular guards standing between the doorway, their backs facing the young god. He dressed himself in the dark green and black leather ensemble Frigga had laid out for him before approaching Odin's guards, his wrists already bound to spare them the effort.

* * *

After two days, Natasha's mission was over. Now, she was in her apartment, safe and sound, and wanting nothing more than a hot bath. Her latest target went down easily, but not without a decent fight. She dropped her bag in the doorway and kicked off her boots before padding to the bathroom. A groan escaped her as she bent to turn on the faucet. Her medication seemed to have worn off on the flight home since the ache from her two, maybe three, broken ribs began to bother her. Natasha wasn't going to complain, though. It wasn't every day that the Black Widow suffered a blow from a steel pipe in combat. Right to the side. Honestly, she wasn't ashamed of taking the hit-the guy _did _get what he deserved afterwards in the form of a _nearly _lethal dosage of voltage from her trusty bracelets. The short-lived brawl gave her the rush of adrenaline that she needed.

Natasha began to undress, careful as not to move her side. With her rapid healing, she knew she would feel brand new in a matter of hours. The tub gradually began to fill and Natasha stepped in, carefully lowering herself into the water. She softly moaned as she splashed some water on her aching side. _This _was heaven! Maybe after a nice long soak, she would treat herself to a trip to the nail salon and grab take-out for dinner. Nothing like being home… The mission managed to clear her mind, just as anticipated. After aliens, a brainwashed friend, and a crazed Loki, the assassin needed some time to clear her head. Thinking about the trickster god made her scowl. Natasha had been doing so well to not think about him… Exactly how much of her past did he know about?…

She rested her head against the tiled wall and hummed as the hot water rose, instantly relaxing her sore muscles. _Loki who?_ she mentally asked. Right now, this was Natasha time. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as 'girl time' began.

* * *

"Do I honestly require a babysitter?!" Loki lashed out at the All-Father as he sat upon his throne giving Loki a displeased glare.

"Loki!" Frigga snapped.

"You say that you will make me mortal! Am I so dangerous, even with restricted magic?" the trickster prodded. "Is it because you fear that my _Frost Giant _side will emerge?" Loki spat. He took a step towards the golden stairs leading up to Odin's throne and a guard grabbed him by the shoulder and roughly pulled him back. "Can you even seal **that **away, _Fa—_"

"Enough!" Odin shouted, stomping his foot before he rose to his feet. "This childish behaviour is what makes a guardian necessary!"

Loki pursed his lips and avoided making eye contact with the King. Leave it to Odin to further humiliate him. And in front of Thor and Frigga, no less.

After a drawn out pause, Odin continued to speak. "Frigga has told me of your dream… If what I have been told is true, then I will allow you to fulfill it…"

So Odin didn't trust him… Of course he didn't… No one could trust a liar. Loki clenched his fists and felt Frigga's reassuring hand on his arm. He wasn't lying about his dream. Natasha Romanoff was going to change him. She was going to help him 'wipe out the red' as she had phrased it whether she liked it or not. Loki wanted to feel miserable no more. He was determined to prove to Odin that he was worthy, that he didn't deserve eternal banishment…

"Know that I am doing this to make my Queen happy," Odin truthfully continued. "My wife's happiness seems to be linked to your finding joy…"

Loki kept his mouth shut, fighting back a stream of insults begging to be said. Odin could care less about his happiness.

"And if you are able to prove to me that there is a spark of good in you, then I will agree to shorten your sentence."

Loki failed to perk up at Odin's 'generosity.' A shorter sentence could mean a thousand years for all he knew! Was there ever going to be an escape from life in prison?

"For now, you will be allowed to visit Midgard, powerless, and under the supervision of my wife and son."

"And what if this is all just a lie, _Father_?" Loki smirked. "If I have deceived you, are you going to kill me?" He felt Frigga's hand tighten around his arm.

"If you fail to be forgiven by Thor's acquaintances on Midgard, then you will live out a mortal life in the dungeons," Odin decided with a growing grin.

Loki didn't like that smile. It made him feel as if all hope was lost. In Odin's eyes, Loki's fate was already sealed in stone. "Why even bother?" the young god questioned. He didn't have a prayer at receiving forgiveness from Clint Barton, let alone his close friend, but in no way romantic partner, Agent Romanoff. Odin must have known that. Heimdall may have told him every minute detail that happened while he and Thor were in New York. "I have deeply angered Midgard's people and I do not see them showing me any mercy."

"Which is why I am asking for you to prove me wrong." Odin began to sit, his eye not once leaving Loki. "Prove to me that you were led astray and are willing to change."

Loki lifted his head, bewildered by what seemed to be the All-Father paying him a kindness.

"I am not your enemy, despite how you seem to view me," Odin gently continued. "Yes, I have wronged you in refusing to tell you who you truly are, so let this be my way of asking for your forgiveness. I hid your past to protect you. I never meant for things to turn out this way…"

Loki's mouth fell open as he struggled for words. Odin had faith in him? Had Frigga somehow brainwashed him? He continued to stare up at the All-Father as he gave Loki the same fatherly grin that he had grown up with. Loki trusted this man's word, but was gaining the Avengers' trust possible?

"Don't worry, Loki," Frigga whispered. "They will forgive you." Loki was going to right his wrongs and smile like he hadn't a care in the world. Things would be right again, just like they were before Loki had discovered who his birth parents were. Frigga reached for Loki's hand and grasped it tightly.

There was only one way to find out. "Very well," Loki agreed, his head bowed. He was going to do this because Odin had growing faith in him, and for Frigga, the mother who never lost hope, not once. More importantly, Loki was doing this for himself. His pride was at stake and he vowed that once his task on Midgard was complete, he would make Odin gloat to all of Asgard about just how wonderful Loki Odinson was. Maybe he would even have a chance at the throne… He heard Odin mutter an enchantment as a warm light enveloped him. Loki squeezed his eyes shut as he felt like his very self was being ripped away. It felt as though the blood was being drained from his body. Loki clenched his jaw, wondering if this was how Thor felt before his banishment. The draining sensation ended and Loki's body felt like lead. He groaned and opened his eyes as Frigga began whispering to him, coaxing him out of the throne room.

Odin watched as his wife escorted Loki outside with Thor following closely behind them. Two guards were ready to accompany the royal family, but Odin stopped them. "They will be fine on their own," the All-Father announced. "Let them go."

Loki trudged alongside his Mother down the newly repaired Bifrost. Soon enough, they would be on Midgard. And soon enough, Loki was going to be plagued with quite the task: attempting to find the right path all while seeking forgiveness from a group of vengeful, super-powered beings. He was in for quite the treat…

* * *

Natasha's bathtub relaxation proved to be short lived as she heard the sound of distant rumbling. The skies had been clear and the sun was shining when she came home and that couldn't have been more than ten minutes ago. It's just the weather being crazy, she told herself. Any sane person would have that thought. But the last time Natasha encountered a storm, it was caused by a tall, blond man of legend. It's just a storm, she mentally repeated.

There was a loud clap of thunder towards the east, same direction of Stark Tower. It was a coincidence. Natasha decided to end her bath and head for the nail salon. Clearly, the steam was getting to her.

Natasha was just grabbing her purse when her phone rang. Barton. "Unless you want a manicure, then I'm busy," she tiredly began.

"Come help clean up at Stark's!" She could practically hear Clint grinning. "You're not gonna believe who just showed up!"

"If it's Thor, he'd be more useful than I am," she mused. So maybe she hadn't gone crazy.

"You heard the thunder?" Clint laughed. "Nat, you missed the crazy rainbow blast!" he went on. "One second, I'm replacing windows, then I hear this thunder from out of nowhere and there was this crazy light!"

"'Crazy rainbow blast,'" she repeated in a monotone. Natasha grabbed her keys, listening to Barton talk as if he was a kid who had too much sugar.

"I think his mom's with him, too," he added. "And Loki's looking pretty cocky…"

"Loki's with them?" Natasha gripped her set of keys.

"Yeah. They're talking to Stark right now. Don't worry, I'll keep that guy here so you can kick his ass."

"Yes," Natasha said through clenched teeth. "Please." She ended the call and briskly fled her apartment. First, the god brainwashes her partner, then tries destroying the city, and now, he's ruining her afternoon. Not to mention the Shakespearean insult he had called her. Natasha Googled what _that _meant, and this guy was asking for a proper ass-kicking!

**"****Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and **  
**I've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key**  
**And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me**  
**And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because**  
**I gotta get outta here **  
**Cause I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake**  
**I gotta get outta here **  
**And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape."**

**Be My Escape ~Relient K**


	4. I know somehow I made a mark

"I'm just saying, you guys would love a Renaissance fair," Tony teased as he began pouring drinks for his three out of town guests. Who would have thought that Thor and Loki would return with mommy? Tony noticed that Loki was awfully quiet. But that may have been because Tony had seated his guests near the craters in the floor where the green rage monster threw around the six-foot-two god like a ragdoll…

"I am afraid we are unfamiliar with such a fair," Frigga politely said with a smile. She shifted on the couch, close to Loki who seemed to be nodding off.

"I bet you'd like it," Tony promised. He left the bar and presented Frigga with a drink. "You want one?" he offered to Loki.

The trickster paused, wondering if a drink would liven him up. Right now, he felt like collapsing. He cursed his weak Midgardian form as he nodded his head.

Clint stood close to the bay window, arms folded across his chest as he eyed Thor. "Did you forget something here?"

"No. Not at all," Thor began, although, he _did _have a certain someone who he was quite curious to find… "We are here for Loki's sake," he stated, more to himself.

"You're not gonna ask us to keep him, right?" Clint frowned.

Frigga began to laugh. "He is here to make peace with you."

Clint snorted with laughter.

"'Peace?'" Tony handed Loki a glass of brandy and the trickster took a small sip. "Sure, why not?" Tony held out his own glass, hoping for Loki to clink glasses with him.

Loki snatched Tony's glass away and finished the drink in one swig, letting the liquid burn his throat. The taste was far from pleasant, but the burn managed to wake up Loki's Midgardian brain. He then downed the second glass all while Tony watched with a sideways smirk.

"Isn't that nice?" Frigga grinned. "This shouldn't be too hard, right Loki?" she asked as if she was dealing with small children.

Tony shrugged before sauntering towards the bar again. "It's not like he's gonna be making nice with the other guys. Right, Barton? You've got a bone to pick, don't you?" he prodded, hoping for some action. Tony lived for fun and games and Clint hadn't gotten to have a round with the god of mischief yet.

"I promised Nat first swing," Clint promised.

"Even better!" Tony jovially slapped his hand atop the granite counter.

Loki's body tensed at the mentioning of the assassin's name. The first thing to come to mind was his dream and her vivid red curls, complemented by the sunset. He swore he heard a quiet chuckle from Frigga and he whipped his head to the side to find her smiling at him.

Thor wasn't as amused as his fellow Avengers when it came to beating up Loki. His brother had been through enough in such a short amount of time. Like Frigga, Thor wanted him to be happy. His mother had told him how Loki felt like he had no place, that he was unhappy… To know that his brother was suffering hurt more than anything. Loki deserved happiness. "Please… go easy on him." That was all Thor could say.

Loki rolled his eyes at Thor. As if the Black Widow was going to show him mercy!

"Loki, what have you done to anger these people? They're lovely," Frigga noted.

"Care to tell, Agent Barton?" Loki droned, outstretching his palm to gesture towards the archer.

Clint shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he acknowledged Frigga. "He had me under mind control."

"Oh," the goddess breathed.

"Kinda hard to forgive a guy who made me kill people I work with…"

Loki heard a faint gasp from his mother and his heart sank into his chest. He couldn't bear to look at her and see the heartache in her eyes.

Clint felt a weight grip his chest and he noticed that Loki had a look of anguish on his face. So the guy was sorry, was he? Clint was willing to test just how sorry Loki was… with a challenge of his own… "Tell you what…" Clint scratched the back of his head as he eyed Loki. "If Natasha forgives you, then so will I."

Loki chuckled and flashed the archer a lopsided grin. "That is a fair offer," he agreed.

"I think Romanoff's gonna be the big challenge," Tony guessed. "I mean, Cap might give you some hell, but Romanoff can hold a grudge."

"He's speaking from experience," Clint snorted.

"Come on! Everyone loves me! Especially Romanoff."

"You're gonna need to add another floor to this tower for your growing ego," Natasha remarked as she stepped into the room. She glanced from Tony, straight to Loki, ignoring Frigga and Thor altogether.

"Speak of the devil," Clint joked.

Loki's smirk never once left his lips as he eyed the angry assassin from across the room. He smiled wider and noticed her brows knit together as she tossed her purse aside. She stormed towards the couch and Loki casually rose, hands clasped behind his back. "Did you come all this way just to see me, Agent Romanoff?" He brushed past Frigga and sauntered towards the spy until they both stopped, the two now standing toe-to-toe. If looks could kill, then he would be a dead man. The agent had it in for him-he could practically feel her hateful aura ebbing off onto him.

"Of course I did, _Loki_." His name slid off her tongue with a bitterness that perfectly complemented the man. Natasha gave him her signature icy glare as her left hand curled into a fist. "Last guy to call me a cunt had more than just his nose broken." Loki's tongue peeked out from behind his teeth as his smirk widened. Natasha scowled and wasted no time in giving him a much needed blow right below the chin.

Loki knew she was going to punch him. He had it coming. But as his vision went fuzzy from the loss of air, Loki remembered that he wasn't a god anymore. He was just as vulnerable as she was. Through half-lidded eyes, he saw Natasha display a confident grin before she became a blur, followed by complete darkness.

"Loki!" Frigga jumped up just in time to catch her son as he stumbled back. Thor was the next to react, running towards his fallen brother.

Natasha watched, thinking that Loki was overreacting. She was positive that he was. It wasn't until she saw blood dribble out from the corners of his lips that she noticed something was off. Tony and Clint seemed to notice, as well. The two men stood frozen in place, wondering what the hell just happened.

Frigga began instructing Thor to hold Loki's head so she could stop the bleeding. There was an awkward silence between the three Avengers, which was soon ended by Tony. "I didn't realize you packed more of a punch than the Hulk, Romanoff," he quipped as he pointed towards a crater in the floor created during Loki's recent encounter with the beast. "Should we be concerned?"

"He has been made mortal," Thor's voice answered. "The All-Father's punishment…"

So he was completely vulnerable, then. Natasha flexed her fingers and eyed Loki's unconscious form. "He still deserved it," she muttered, watching the woman with long, blonde hair as she placed her hands on Loki's cheeks. Natasha assumed that she was Thor's mother. The matching golden hair and the bright blue eyes were a dead giveaway. What struck Natasha most was watching as a faint golden light emanated from the goddess' palms. She found herself inching closer, eager for a closer look. Tony had the same idea as she, but Thor shot him a glare when the curious scientist got too close and began breathing down Thor's neck with his liquor-breath.

"He's not gonna die, is he?" Tony whispered.

Clint grabbed Tony's arm and began dragging him away. "Let's leave 'em alone… Nat?" he asked his partner.

Natasha was keeping her distance from the mother and her sons. "Go," she answered the archer. Given that she did kill Loki, then she wanted to be there the moment he stopped breathing. After what he did to Clint and to the city, he deserved death.

"We'll be right outside," Clint nodded, forcing Tony to leave with him.

"If he dies, I'm not liable!" Tony remarked on the way out.

"Loki?" Frigga gently asked. The golden-haired goddess put her healing magic to good use as her hands pressed against her son's cheeks. He began to cough, sputtering up blood that he had swallowed. Having seen the punch, Frigga assumed he had bit his tongue. Luckily, Loki had his mother to fix his slight injury. Did she even dare ask what he had done to the red-head? His breathing began to even and Frigga knew that Loki would be alright. He looked completely innocent and child-like with his closed eyes. How Frigga longed for the days when she would tuck the tiny god into bed and kiss him goodnight…

"Mother?" Thor blinked. His large hands helped to support Loki's neck as Frigga finished casting her spell.

"He will be fine," she promised, a hand lightly patting Loki's cheek. "Exhausted, I presume," she noted. "His body is weak in this form."

"I didn't know," Natasha interrupted. Not that she cared.

Frigga's royal blue eyes rested on the spy's face. "Are you Lady Romanoff?"

The assassin casually folded her arms across her chest. "Did Loki tell you all about me?" she laughed.

Frigga shook her head as she abandoned Loki's side. "Your friends were just talking about you. They said you were a challenge," she added with a smile.

Natasha knew that Stark was to blame for that, given that he _would _be the one to say it. "Just Natasha," she corrected.

"Loki can be quite a handful," Frigga continued. "Although, I am sure that you are quite familiar by now."

Natasha mentally rolled her eyes at the comment. Loki definitely hadn't taken etiquette lessons from mommy, that was for sure! "You said he's mortal?" she prodded, changing the subject.

"Yes," Frigga nodded, turning her head over to Thor who had lain Loki's resting body on the couch. "Loki wishes to make amends with all of you. My husband Odin declared that Thor and I were to accompany him here on Midgard to ensure that he causes no trouble. He was also made mortal for good measure."

"What happens after he makes his amends?" Natasha asked, her voice hollow. "You give him back his magic so he can have a round two in the city?"

"No," Frigga sharply replied. "I understand that he has acted out, Natasha, but he is finding his way." She saw the red-head open her mouth to reply, but Frigga wouldn't let her. Frigga was sure that this woman knew absolutely nothing of Loki's suffering. "Loki was misled," she quickly said in defense. "I know that his actions are absolutely no excuse for what he did-and I am _very _disappointed in him, but I know that Loki speaks true when he says that he will right his wrongs."

A typical mother, Natasha thought to herself. Unfortunately for Frigga, the Black Widow wasn't so easily swayed by sentiment. "If you're so sure that he's changed, then why come all this way with him?"

"One can never be too careful with Loki," Thor interjected.

Frigga shook her head. "That isn't the case at all. He told me of a dream he had." She paused. "I am a firm believer in prophecies and I am to help act as Loki's guide. Along with Thor, and all of your friends."

"Maybe that's exactly what he wants you to think," Natasha crossly remarked. The trickster was just as manipulative as she was! He was bound to have some kind of ulterior motive in coming all the way to New York. Her first guess was to finish off the Avengers.

"He had lost hope." Frigga looked Natasha straight in the eyes, as if staring into her soul. "There is nothing more painful than hearing your son say that he wishes to die… This is not one of Loki's games. Believe what you like, but I have complete faith in him."

Natasha averted her gaze to the floor. So Loki got low-she had been there before! Lost, helpless… It hurt, but she forced herself to pull it together. If she was gonna die, then she wanted to do it with a clean slate. It was a 'matter-of-pride' code that she wanted to live out.

"I am not here to force you to forgive my son," Frigga continued, rubbing her hands together. "Just know that he speaks the truth when he asks for redemption." _Redemption._ Frigga noticed Natasha's eyes brighten at the word. A pair of emerald eyes met with hers. "There is good in him. There always has been…"

_'Can you wipe out that much red?'_ All that talk of having red on her ledger had left a permanent scar. Loki had gotten under Natasha's skin without her having realized it. He knew everything-the lives she had taken, the crimes committed… He knew it all, and he tried to hold it against her. But Natasha didn't let his petty threats affect her back when they were alone with a glass wall separating them. She had redeemed herself, and she knew Loki knew that. Why else would he try dragging her back down into her own self pity?

They were two of a kind, weren't they? Natasha watched Loki's unconscious form. Did that mean she had to give him a chance? Clint sure as hell did it for her, so did Nick… That didn't mean she _had_ to pay it forward, though. Unless Loki really wanted her forgiveness. _That _was going to take a lot more than a few apologies and a box of chocolate, and it wasn't going to come easy. "I understand," Natasha agreed. "If he earns my respect, I just might forgive him." Frigga looked at her as though she had just spared Loki from death. "I'll come back tomorrow. I have other plans," she announced before turning on her heel.

Natasha wasn't going to forgive Loki just because his mother played the pity card. She didn't feel bad for the guy, not in the least.

Natasha wasn't doing this for his sake. She was doing it for her own.

The spy left the room and found Clint and Tony standing idly at the end of the hall. "Contact Fury and let him know what we're dealing with," she informed the two.

Tony straightened at the urgency in her voice. "You didn't kill him, did you?"

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Not yet." She brushed past him, but Tony wasn't ready to let her go just yet.

"You're gonna leave them here with me?!"

"The woman isn't a threat. Contact Fury," she repeated. "Loki's as weak as you two are, but we shouldn't take any chances."

"Harsh, Nat," Clint breathed.

"He's unconscious," Natasha added. "Either bring him to S.H.I.E.L.D. or keep him locked up in here."

"And what if he _is _dangerous?" Clint asked.

"You needn't worry," Thor interrupted. "Mjolnir will subdue him," he explained, gripping the hammer that hung at his side. "And our mother is here to calm him. She has a strong bond with Loki. He will listen to her," he gently finished.

"Who'd have thought the guy was a momma's boy?" Tony snickered. "We're dealing with an overgrown baby. I think we're fine."

"So what now?" Natasha wondered. "Are you gonna become Loki's best friend?" she snidely remarked.

Tony sauntered away from the trio, ready for another drink at the bar. "The guy's mission is accomplished if he plays nicely with all of us," he shrugged, swirling around the leftover ice in his glass. "Something tells me you're not up for that, Romanoff, he commented, spinning around on his heel as Natasha laughed in agreement with his statement. "For the record, let this show that Tony Stark _can _play well with others."

**"****And the blood may wash away**  
**But the scars will never fade**  
**At least I know somehow I made a mark"**

**Mark the Graves ~Linkin Park**


	5. Behind Blue Eyes

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who left reviews and is following and faving! I really hope you're enjoying the story!**

**"****No one knows what it's like**  
**To be the bad man**  
**To be the sad man**  
**Behind blue eyes"**

_In that moment, there was nothing more reassuring than the warmth of her hand. Loki needn't open his eyes. He knew just who those delicate fingers grazing his cheek belonged to. "You pack more of a punch than Sif," Loki grunted as his entire body relaxed beneath her touch._

_"__Oh yeah?" Natasha's voice hummed into his ear. "Well get used to it."_

_"__I don't think so," Loki retorted. He cracked open an eye as her curls tickled his cheeks. Their noses barely touched as he stared up at her smiling face. "I will not have you bully me! I am a god!" he reminded her._

_"__Are you?" she asked, her voice heavy with sarcasm._

_Loki uncomfortably shifted his head against her lap. "Of course I am!" the trickster declared. "But first and foremost," he continued, offering her a gentle grin, "I am your husband." She rolled her eyes as she leaned closer, allowing for their lips to meet._

Husband? No, that wasn't right. He barely knew the woman! And of all people to take as a wife! Loki would be damned if such a woman would make him so weak.

A nearby growling forced the god to jerk upright. Off to his right sprawled across the floor was Thor, inches away from smacking into a glass coffee table. Drool oozed from the corner of his lips as he drew in a deep breath, forcing Loki to wrinkle his nose at the ungodly loud snoring. How Loki had managed to ignore that whilst dreaming was a mystery to him. He shifted on the couch, allowing for his mind to play back his most recent recollections.

He was mortal. He was on Anthony Stark's couch, most likely because a slap from a no-good assassin knocked him out, and…

Loki attempted to raise his right hand, but he could only stretch so far until his wrist felt ready to snap in half. Looking down, he saw the most pathetic looking cuff adorned in pink fluff around his wrist (if he were a god, he could have sliced through the metal as though it was paper!). The other cuff had been secured around Mjolnir's handle, keeping Loki from going anywhere.

Well, not if he could help it! He jerked his arm forward, doing his best to ignore the feeling of his veins being cut through. Loki clenched his jaw, aimlessly throwing punches and rattling the pathetic chain about. How was it not breaking? Clearly, he had underestimated the strength of Midgardian steel. Using his free hand, Loki began tinkering with the bracelet, but his attempts to free himself only made the cuff tighten. He finally gave up after all he could do was tear off a meaningless strip of fur.

"How are you feeling?"

Loki flicked away a stray piece of fuzz that drifted towards his face. "I am perfectly fine, Mother," he drawled.

"I like that woman. Natasha," Frigga commented as she approached the couch. She quietly laughed to herself as she stepped past Thor, still fast asleep.

"She can be just as charming as myself," Loki warned. "And just as conniving, too."

Frigga paused as she studied the tension in Loki's face. "What have you done to upset her?" He kept quiet, fingers picking at the handcuff's chain. "Loki?" She held up her hand and presented a key no bigger than her thumb. "I was given this for safe keeping," she explained. "You know very well what this unlocks…"

Loki laced his fingers together, hoping to hide the fact that he had lost the battle for freedom with his restraint. "Did you sleep comfortably here?" he wondered, changing the subject.

"I returned to Asgard. Thor kept excellent watch over you."

"Yes," Loki snorted. "He is so lucky that I did not escape from this toy."

"And what if you did escape?" Frigga wondered, stroking the thin metal key with her thumb.

Loki began to chuckle. "I wouldn't try to kill anyone if that is what you were thinking."

"The thought never crossed my mind," the goddess answered.

He swallowed, suddenly feeling his stomach knot with hunger pains. Loki licked his lips and observed the rise and fall of Thor's chest as he slept. "I threatened to kill that woman," he quietly admitted. "Natasha…I wanted her dead."

"Yet you let her live," Frigga noted.

He recalled the first time he dreamt of her, then his most recent where he called himself her husband. If marriage was in the cards for the two of them, then they were off to a grand start! Nothing like a death threat to kick off a relationship… "She made a fool of me…"

Frigga managed a small smile. "That made you decide to spare her?"

"No…"

_"__Natalia Romanoff," _Loki recalled Clint tell him. _"Goes by Natasha… She's not like other people. Not like me, at least. She's like the Captain- a 'super soldier," _the rogue agent explained through a hypnotized state. _"Her life's been hell from the beginning. Parents died when she was a kid… She got taken in, then recruited… and taken advantage of…"_

Loki felt his body tense as everything Clint Barton told him flooded back into his brain.

_"__She was fed lies her whole life. That's really what made her tough. She closed herself off to people. It's a 'can't get hurt if I don't get close' sort of deal…"_

"Loki?" Frigga reached out to touch his shoulder.

"I saw myself in her… That is what made me spare her life."

The goddess watched as Loki sat as still as a statue. "Was it her trickery?" she teased, hoping to make light of the situation.

Loki shook his head. "The lies," he darkly replied. "Her being made to believe she was something she wasn't…" He eyed Frigga in his peripheral vision and shot her an icy glare. "A killer. A _monster!_"

"Loki!" she gasped. "Now you know that isn't true!" she stated, reaching for his free hand. "If only you would just understand that your father and I wished to _protect _you. We never meant for the lies to cut so deeply…"

He sighed and reflected on Odin's final words before he left for Midgard. The All-Father believed that he could change. Odin accepted Loki, and the trickster wasn't going to let him down. Not this time. For years, Loki had been Thor's shadow. Odin had always favoured Asgard's rightful heir over the Jotun runt. Now, Loki needed to shine. He could only imagine the joy he would feel upon returning to Asgard with the Avengers' forgiveness. Odin would praise him for turning his life around and that would make Loki the happiest man in all the realms. Happiness. That was what he strove for. And with Natasha's advice on making a clean slate, Loki was certain that his life would be at peace again. "I believe you," Loki murmured. "Odin has faith in me. Even if only a glimmer…" Loki hesitated. "I will show him that I mean well. For my well-being, and for yours." He managed a small smile. "Mother."

"We love you, Loki," Frigga reassured her son as she leaned in for a hug. "You are a very special part of our family."

Loki found himself leaning into Frigga's warm embrace. He felt safe, even if it made him look like a needy child. The two shared a moment of solitude, only to have the peace interrupted by Thor's thunderous snoring.

Frigga quietly chuckled as she pulled away from Loki to unlock the cuff around his wrist. "Shall we take a walk?"

He nodded, pressing his lips together as his stomach angrily growled. "You don't suppose we will find food during our exploration, do you?"

Not missing a beat, Thor whipped his head up in interest. "Breakfast?"

Loki rolled his eyes, a lopsided smirk on his face. Frigga quietly chuckled, nodding her head in response to her eldest son.

Thor hopped to his feet and moved Mjolnir under the coffee table. "Let us find Anthony-there are these amazing dough cakes called 'pancakes' that I want you both to try!" he beamed.

Loki found himself trailing behind Thor and Frigga as they waltzed down a narrow hall. After passing by four seemingly empty rooms, Loki doubted that they would ever find Anthony, let alone food. The trickster had never felt so hungry in all his life. Right when he felt ready to give up (or, rather, collapse from hunger), a voice spoke to them, willing to guide them towards salvation.

_"__If you would take the elevator two feet ahead, you will find Doctor Banner on the sixth level," _Jarvis' computerized voice piped up.

"Ah! Thank you!" Thor announced to the ceiling.

Tony's trusty computer let Bruce know that company was approaching, so the doctor waited to greet the Asgard party at the elevator doors. Loki noticed his mother and Thor running their mouths and smiling as they chatted with the doctor, but in his hunger, he tuned them out completely.

Bruce led them into the communal kitchen and after being offered a steaming cup of coffee, Loki began to feel more alert. The drink was far too bitter for his tastes, so while the doctor prepared their nourishment, Loki helped himself to a handful of sugar packets and kept adding one by one into the drink until it tasted sweet enough. He counted six used and crumpled pastel pink wrappers strewn along the tabletop and he committed that number to memory. If he was stuck here drinking coffee morning after morning, then he wanted it to please his taste buds.

"So, uh… you're here to make friends?" Bruce asked as he set a fresh plate of pancakes on the table.

Loki eyed the food like a starving animal. He gave the doctor a brief nod as he accepted a plate from him.

"Help yourself," Bruce smiled as he handed plates and silverware to Frigga and Thor.

"Thank you," Loki quickly managed as he grabbed four pancakes with his bare hand. Loki had always been so well-mannered at the dining table, but this particular morning, he felt like he hadn't eaten for weeks. He dug into his food, barely giving himself time to fully chew the light and fluffy pancakes. Thor began to chuckle and Loki couldn't blame him since he was eating the same way the blond oaf always did.

"You know," Bruce continued as he sat across from Loki, "I suppose I should apologise for what happened between us. You and the big guy, I mean. But I'd like to think that I smacked some sense into you… literally."

Loki stopped mid chew to glare at the doctor. He failed to find amusement in the joke, but who was he to complain? The good doctor's forgiveness was necessary if he ever wanted to return to Asgard and regain his magic.

"'Smacked some sense?'" Frigga repeated as she cut up her food. "You seem to be a very gentle man, Doctor Banner," she noted. "May I ask what occurred between you and my son?"

Bruce laughed at her 'gentle' comment. "We had a disagreement," he hinted, winking in Loki's direction. "I'm not the kind of guy you wanna anger, ma'am."

"Well, my mother isn't one you would wish to see angry, either," Loki jested. "She is far more frightening," he warned the Hulk.

"Aye," Thor chimed in after swallowing a mouthful of food.

Frigga clicked her tongue and began to laugh at her boys. Seeing them both laughing and joking was something the mother had missed dearly.

"I didn't know you had company," a voice interrupted.

Loki turned his head, his grin wavering as his favourite red-head interrupted his 'bonding' moment with the doctor. He had yet to see her so… underdressed. Her slender arms and legs were exposed, leaving Loki entranced by how smooth her creamy skin looked, even when coated with a delicate sheen of sweat.

"Jarvis said you made breakfast," Natasha added. She forced herself to look away from Loki as he eyed her as though they were strangers. Maybe it was her work-out clothes-her running shorts were a bit on the short side. Or maybe her hair looked like crap, not that she cared about what her tiny tuft of a ponytail looked like.

Bruce took the empty serving plate into his hand as he rose from his seat. "I'll make some more," he kindly offered.

"Don't bother." Natasha made her way to the fridge to steal a protein shake. "I'm just taking a break." She turned, ready to leave the kitchen until the legs of a chair screeching against the linoleum stopped her.

"Wouldn't you rather stay and chat?" Loki wagered.

"Maybe later," the spy shrugged. "Does Fury know about him yet?" she questioned Bruce who shook his head.

"I understand that you have no right to trust me, Ms. Romanoff," Loki began in a respectful tone, "but do you honestly think that I will commit any sort of crime in this mortal state. And with my mother at my side, no less…"

"You wanna talk, then join me downstairs," Natasha wagered. Loki's face lit up and he was standing at her side before she could even regret her offer. She wasn't keen on having one-on-one time with Loki again, but she knew she couldn't avoid him forever. "Let's go," she said quietly as she escorted him out of the kitchen. They were going to have to establish ground rules regarding the issue of forgiveness. "First thing's first," Natasha barked as she led him into the elevator. "I'm not forgiving you today," she stated, punching in a button whilst glaring at Loki. "I forgive you when I can trust you." The doors closed and Natasha leaned back against the steel wall.

"Fair enough." Loki nodded and braced himself against the wall across from her. "That will allow us more time together."

"Don't think I wanna hang out twenty-four seven, either," she snorted, folding her arms across her chest. He was determined, though, Natasha had to give him that.

"Tell, me, Ms. Romanoff, have you any faith in me?" Loki's question was answered with silence, aside from an occasional ding as the elevator descended.

Natasha wanted to answer him, she really did, only she didn't know what to say. Yes or no, but which was it? Only time was going to tell her that. She kept quiet and waited for the doors to open up to the basement's gym. "Ever work out?"

Loki frowned, annoyed by how she disregarded his question. "I am well-trained in wielding a blade."

"Oh, yeah?" Natasha raised a brow. "Well, we're not gonna use any pointy objects today." She opened up her drink and took a swig before setting it aside. "How good are you with hand-to-hand combat?"

"You wish to challenge me?" Loki blinked.

"Let's see how tough that mortal body of yours is," she smirked.

"Very well, then," he agreed. Loki firmly planted his feet and raised his fists as he waited for Natasha to make a move.

"Funny," Natasha mused, "I imagined that someone from a place like Asgard wouldn't wanna hit a lady."

"Asgard's women are warriors to be feared," Loki corrected. "A man will show you little mercy there."

"Sounds like my kind of place!" Natasha charged towards him, giving Loki no time to think before punching him in the side.

Had he been a god, he could have evaded her attack, but Loki's reflexes weren't as keen as he would have liked. He managed to grab her hair, but Natasha fought back by seizing his wrist and squeezing until his fist unclenched.

Natasha stepped back and peeled off her hair-tie that was barely hanging on. Loki's fist came flying towards her face, so she ducked, giving him a decent smack in the gut, right below the ribcage.

He lurched forward as she knocked the wind right out of him. Unable to breathe, Loki wondered if she had killed him. How frail was this cursed body to fail him so quickly? His mind grew hazy and he felt himself falling forward as if in slow motion. He began seeing red and he soon felt Natasha's short curls brush along his jaw.

"I'd rather fight you as a god," Natasha remarked into his ear. She held him close as she helped lower him to the floor. "This wasn't an even match," she laughed. Natasha allowed him to rest his head on her lap while he regained normal breathing.

"You pack more of a punch than Sif," he weakly commented.

"I take it Sif's a woman," Natasha guessed. "And she's kicked your ass before."

"Perhaps…" he lied. He opened his eyes and felt an uncomfortable déjà vu as he stared up at her face. "I will not have you bully me," he warned, the words leaving his mouth before he could make sense of anything. "I am a god…" Didn't they have this conversation once before?

"Are you?" Natasha drawled, rolling her eyes.

"Of course I am." Loki was certain that they had this conversation before. "But first and foremost…" He reached up to stroke her cheek. No. His hand froze as he recalled what came next. That had all been a dream. "I… am a god," he repeated, lurching forward so he could stand up on his own.

Had Natasha smacked him in the head, she would have assumed he had amnesia. Maybe Loki was starting to go nuts… "Yeah, I think we're done fighting for today," she declared as she got up.

"I fear that my thought have been compromised," Loki said quietly. "False memories… You understand." Unless his dreams were trying to tell him something. He turned to Natasha. "Have you ever had a dream that-" Before he could finish, her hand smacked him across the cheek, leaving a stinging pain.

"Don't you **dare **bring that up again!" The level-headed Natasha was gone, replaced by the Black Widow, billowing with rage. "You know damn well what I went through you son of a bitch!" she hissed, grabbing the lapels of his jacket and roughly shoving him back.

"Natasha!" he gasped. Loki recalled what he had said and swore under his breath as he realized his fatal mistake. False memories… "Natasha, I swear I didn't mean that!"

"But you meant to mess with Barton's head, didn't you?!" she shouted. "And you pried until you knew everyone's dirty little secrets, you bastard!" Her small frame lunged forward, sending Loki backwards. "What the hell are you even doing here?" She pinned his body to the ground, unwilling to let him go. Natasha was fully prepared to kill him, if necessary. "You're here for something-_what?_"

"Forgi-"

"Bullshit!" she growled, pressing her thumb against his windpipe.

His mouth opened and closed as he struggled for air. Pathetic whimpers were the only sound to escape his throat. "Y-" He struggled to let the word escape. "Y-you," he exhaled the second Natasha pulled her thumb away from his neck.

"_Me._" At least the truth came out. "So you plan to kill me?" She drew her face closer to his. If she were to snap his human neck right now, she wanted her hardened glare to be the last thing he ever saw.

Loki shook his head as his body writhed beneath hers. The woman's floral scent mixed with sweat appealed to his senses and now he was _really _cursing his weak body. Suddenly, all he could think of was having his own facsimile Natasha all to himself in the confines of his prison cell. Her body had felt so perfect whilst intertwined with his…

"_Loki!_"

Her husky voice, heavy with malice was of no help to him. How his body craved her.

"I swear, I'll kill you right now!" she threatened. Natasha grabbed a fistful of his long, dark hair and pulled until she saw a flash of sanity return to his eyes.

He winced as she yanked on his hair. If she pulled any harder, he would have a bald patch. Leave it to the assassin to snap him into his right mind. Loki was grateful for that. "Show me… Show me how to wipe out the red…" The pain stopped as Natasha unleashed his hair. Loki studied her eyes as the rage faded to anger.

Natasha couldn't help but sense an ominous vibe from the man's words. The last time he mentioned those words to her, he was attempting to break her. "I thought you said I couldn't do it," she haughtily reminded him. Natasha got up and turned her back to him as she went to get her drink. "According to you, I still have a lot to atone for."

"I never meant that…" Loki carefully stood up and watched her. "It was a meaningless threat."

_Then why does it affect me so much?_ Natasha didn't dare ask him, though. To tell him the truth, that his words had scarred her, would be admitting her weakness to the enemy. "It takes time. It's not something that comes easy…"

"Is that why you insist on leading me on? You plan to teach me a lesson before you forgive me," Loki assumed.

"I'm not 'leading you on,'" the red-head fumed. "And yeah, it's to teach you a lesson. You'll thank me when all of this is over."

"I look forward to that day," Loki grinned. "Perhaps you and I can become good friends…" he paused. "Natasha."

_Friends._ Natasha rolled her eyes at the very notion. "I'm not good with making friends," she forewarned before he became too affixed with the idea. "Didn't Barton tell you how long it took for us to become close?"

"I never bothered to ask."

"Why? Were you finding my own misery more to your tastes?" she scoffed.

"You and I have both suffered, Natasha." Loki clasped his hands behind his back as his eyes fell to the ground. "Very greatly."

An audible groan escaped her at Loki's comment. "I believe you. After all, _you_ know what we've been through. Might as well let you speak for the two of us."

"I never meant to anger you," Loki said with a frown. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" She untwisted the cap of her drink and chucked it towards a padded wall. "Sorry for pissing me off or sorry for fucking with my partner's head?! Where's my apology for **that**?!" she demanded. The man opened his mouth, but before he could speak, she hurled the contents of her drink right in his face.

At this point, Loki had reached his limit. To hell with befriending her-she was lucky if he let her leave the gym alive! He let out a frustrated growl as a cold, pink mixture stung his eyes. Loki began wiping the slick mess off his face with his sleeve, letting an occasional drop of sweet strawberry syrup grace his tongue. "You lead me to believe that I haven't a prayer at receiving forgiveness from the mighty Natasha Romanoff!" he spat. "Why don't you tell me if you have any faith in me, hmm? Have I a chance, Agent?" he shouted in her face. "Since you _clearly_ hold the answer to everything!"

"What'll you do if I say no?" she challenged. Loki bared his teeth and she took note of the throbbing veins in his neck. "Better not get too violent. We have company." She tilted her head to the right, bringing the man's attention to his mother.

"_Please_ tell me Odin will change his mind!" Loki seethed. He brushed past the Black Widow, bumping shoulders with her as he stormed away.

"What happened to that confidence?" Natasha wondered. "Are you giving up just because I'm giving you a hard time?"

"Mother," he breathed, desperate for Frigga to hear him out. Natasha was going to drive him mad. To hell with his dreams of them together. The woman was impossible and it was unlikely that they would ever make amends.

"You're a grown man, Loki," Natasha called out. "How much longer are you going to act like a child?"

Loki glanced past his shoulder to shoot her an icy glare. "At least I know what it means to be a child!" he retorted. "Where was your childhood, Ms. Romanoff?"

"Oh, fuck you!" Natasha began to walk away from him until she reached a tattered punching bag that hung from the ceiling. "You're as worthless as they come!" she yelled, giving the heavy bag a swift kick. It rattled and Natasha kicked it again. And again, in an effort to release her pent-up fury.

Loki tightly shut his eyes as the sound of Natasha's rough kicks and punches filled the room. He knew that she was imagining him as that ratty old bag. He could feel it. "We should go," Loki muttered to Frigga.

"Yes," the goddess agreed, "let's get you cleaned up. Doctor Banner has allowed for us to stay in his home."

"No," Loki stated, his feet guiding him towards the elevator. "I wish to return to Asgard." Being called worthless hurt more than the Black Widow's fists. If she saw no hope in him, then was there a point in trying?

"Loki!" Frigga grabbed his arm, his sleeve sticky from Natasha's drink. "Your father wouldn't like to see you give up!"

The trickster solemnly shook his head. "I have found my purpose, mother. It is to wither away in a cage." He stepped away from his mother's grasp and towards the elevator doors. His hesitant finger reached for the button. This was it. He would return home a failure. Odin could gloat all he wanted… The doors opened, welcoming Loki, but before he could step inside, Natasha's voice called out to him.

"What's the matter, Loki, can't take a little tough love?"

He clenched his fists as the toe of his boot rested inside his ticket away from the agent. Loki prepared to take another step.

"I thought you had it in you."

Loki froze mid-step as her words reached him. Did that mean she _did _have faith in him?

"Swear to me you won't leave."

He took a step in the opposite direction. Loki looked past Frigga with her hands clasped over her mouth to see Natasha giving him the faintest trace of a smile pulling at the corner of her lip.

"We can be friends when you earn my trust." Natasha held out her hand, bringing Loki closer to her until his hand embraced hers.

Loki refused to break eye contact with her as they shook. "Very well, then."

"So why are you so desperate to make amends? To become a god again?" Now that Frigga didn't have to speak for him, she could get the _real _answer.

"Well, there's that," Loki chuckled.

Natasha was like a human lie detector. She knew what signs to look for, and right now, she was focused on the prideful glint in his eyes.

"More importantly, I would like to prove the All-Father wrong. Asgard views me as a criminal, a murderer, a liar…" Loki paused, afraid his wording would set her off again.

The Black Widow narrowed her eyes as she grasped his hand, taking in every word he said. Every truthful, honest word. "Get cleaned up and I'll meet you at Banner's."

Natasha's hand loosened around his and he nodded. The woman's eyes told him she was angry, but her voice was gentle. "Very well." He turned on his heel and began to approach his mother who began running her fingers through his sticky and matted locks.

They really were two of a kind. Natasha absently watched as the mother and son disappeared from her view. Unlike Loki, Natasha didn't feel as though she could ever be fully forgiven for her crimes. The sins were a part of her, making the Black Widow who she was today. Yet a small part of her liked to foolishly believe that making things right would fix the wrongdoings of her past. Killing drug lords instead of civilians, terrorists instead of children…

The part of her that fought against Loki told her that this was a mistake. But the part of her that saw Natasha Romanoff in him told her to save him.

**"****No one knows what it's like**  
**To be hated**  
**To be fated**  
**To telling only lies**

**But my dreams**  
**They aren't as empty**  
**As my conscience seems to be"**

**Behind Blue Eyes ~The Who**


	6. The air around me feels like a cage

Natasha took her time with finishing her morning work-out. She needed to clear her head of the stress that Loki was, and would be, bringing her. The Black Widow wasn't the mentor type. She worked best alone, unless her assigned partners were willing to cooperate. Loki seemed like a compliant guy, though, so she was willing to spare some time to help him out. For all she knew, the guy could one day win a Nobel Peace Prize.

After training, she took a mile and a half jog back to her apartment. The summer sun was ruthlessly beating down on her and by the time Natasha was back home from her run, she treated herself to a welcoming cold shower. Her stomach began to growl as the gentle stream of water washed away her sweat from the day, so she contemplated what she would eat for lunch while shampooing her hair.

When she was all clean, she made her way to the kitchen while drying off her short hair with a damp towel. She settled on tossing a bagel into the toaster before grabbing the morning's paper. As dull as life at the apartment was, the spy had a fondness for the tiniest bit of normality in her life. The second she left that front door, she knew that she would be on her way towards one of New York's largest buildings, currently housing a guy in a tin suit, Jeckyll and Hyde, and gods. Natasha would have liked to avoid going back for the day, but she made a promise with a god that she needed to keep. The last thing she wanted was Loki to come looking for her. Natasha's apartment was the most normal thing she had going for her, aside from the gun kept beneath her pillow, and the one secured beneath her coffee table, not to mention the throwing knives hidden throughout the place. And her walk-in closet hiding her costume and ammo was another story… Well, at least her apartment was _seemingly _normal.

* * *

Loki rested his chin in his hand as he focused on a familiar checkered wooden platform that rested on a table in between himself and Doctor Banner. He idly watched the doctor's large hand capture a black pawn with one of his own. Loki's piece was one of several to be added to the doctor's growing collection. Chess had always been one of Loki's strengths, but he currently had more pressing matters on his mind. He wasn't losing on purpose, and he certainly wasn't demeaning the scientist's intelligence. Loki's thoughts were elsewhere, specifically on what was to come when Natasha returned.

"Loki?" Bruce noticed that the man's eyes were intently focused on the doorway. "Loki," he repeated. "It's your turn."

The trickster's eyes flickered to Bruce's and he hummed in response. He moved his knight across several spaces to better protect his queen from any attacks. As far away as his mind was from this game, a deep-set instinct was telling him not to lose.

"So what's Asgard like?" Bruce wondered, eying the board and thinking through his possible moves.

"It is very different from here," Loki answered, contemplating the doctor's possible moves. "Thankfully, the rules of chess are the same between these realms." That comment made Bruce chuckle.

"What about TV's?" He threw his thumb over his back, pointing to a flat-screen mounted on the wall behind him.

Loki shook his head. "Holograms."

Bruce raised a brow as he decided on a move. "Really?" He finally met Loki's gaze. "So you have reality shows and all that other quality garbage?"

The Doctor's sarcastic tone told Loki that he wasn't missing out on much. "I've never heard of such a thing," he admitted.

"You know, I never took Asgard as the place to have holograms-they're a new thing here."

"Do you think us mindless barbarians?" Loki wondered. "Well," he added, "I can't exactly blame you-Thor isn't exactly the brightest..."

"Sorry," the doctor laughed, running a hand through his graying curls. "The Shakespearean talk threw me off. So what's your technology like? And your medical advancements?" Bruce eagerly prodded.

"Where your culture thrives on machines, we make rely on magic," Loki coolly remarked before moving his king.

"The Tesseract wasn't magic-that was pure energy," Bruce reminded the former god. He rested his elbows against his thighs and laced his fingers together. "I've never seen readings like that…"

Loki scowled as he sank into his seat. "The Tesseract was a mistake…" It was one of the very reasons he was on Midgard, stripped of his powers. Such power dangling before a desperate man such as he was like offering food to a starving mutt.

Bruce watched as Loki's fist clenched, then unclenched. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it was a…touchy subject."

"No problem," Loki assured, "I believe it is your move, Doctor." Loki was a different man now. He only needed to prove his worth, thus making him a better, happier man.

"You know, Loki…" Bruce took one of his white marble pieces and carelessly led it to an open space. "I've done a lot that I regret. I was the last guy to destroy the city," he said with a half smile.

Loki's hand hovered over the chessboard, only to freeze in place as Bruce's words reached him.

"My anger really got the best of me… I left after everything happened to make a fresh start…" Bruce drew in a deep breath.

Loki's mouth formed a thin line as he heard the doctor's breath catch in his throat.

"I had to leave behind someone close to me. That part hurt the most." Bruce buried his face in his hands as he swore under his breath.

"Look where you are now," Loki quickly offered. "You protect the very place you call home. If that isn't redemption, I don't know what is…" He heard a set of soft footsteps enter the room and he didn't bother to acknowledge who it was. He already knew.

"I didn't think you knew how to be nice," Natasha commented, flashing Loki a small smile. She snuck up behind Bruce's chair and patted his shoulder. "Everything going okay here, Doc?"

Bruce straightened up and managed a laugh. "Just playing a game and chatting."

Natasha seated herself on the chair's arm. "Mind if I chat with Loki alone?"

"I'll be down in the lab," Bruce said as he left his seat.

The red-head slid into the abandoned seat and made herself comfortable as she gave the chessboard a brief glance. "Where's Frigga?"

"Asgard," Loki answered, his eyes not once leaving the woman's face. "Along with Thor."

"Mommy trusted you here alone?" she teased, drawing her legs close to her body.

Loki clicked his tongue in disgust. "I am not a child! She had matters on Asgard to tend to," he added.

"Wanna tell me what happened before New York?" Natasha suggested. "Before you became some crazy super villain."

"Very well," he agreed. But first, he needed something to sate his parched throat. Loki raised a hand and flicked his wrist in midair. He snapped his fingers, and it wasn't until then that he remembered that he no longer had the world at his fingertips.

"You need something?"

"I was hoping for tea," he sighed. "Never mind."

"I can get you something better than tea," Natasha offered with a smirk. "There's booze in the lounge."

"Alright." The next thing he knew, he was following Natasha out the door and down the hall. He fidgeted with his hands behind his back as he once again entered an elevator with Natasha. There was a silence between the two that started to make Loki uncomfortable. "It all started out of jealousy," Loki admitted. He pressed his back against the wall and mentally counted the ceiling tiles. "Thor had always been the favourite."

"Frigga doesn't seem like the type to choose," Natasha offered. From what she gathered from the goddess, the woman had a heart of gold.

"She isn't," Loki stated, "however… growing up, it was always there-the feeling that Thor was the golden child."

Natasha muttered a 'sorry' after Loki paused.

"She taught me magic, you know." The elevator doors pulled apart and Loki left alongside Natasha. "That was the one thing that made me feel special," he continued. "It gave my mother and I a special bond. I didn't wish to be like Odin. Well, I _did_ want to be King, but I've always admired Frigga's knowledge of magic."

"Do you not want to be king anymore?" Natasha interrupted. "You sure seemed hell-bent on becoming one here."

Loki slowed his pace, listening as Natasha's delicate footsteps trailed ahead. She soon stopped and turned back around. "Can you imagine Thor taking the throne? He is foolish, ill-informed…"

"Let's make this about you. Not Thor," Natasha warned. "I don't care about Thor."

The weight in Loki's chest began to lessen. Funny, he had grown so used to Thor being the center of attention that it made the assassin's words sound strange in his ears.

"Your mom has a lot of faith in you," Natasha began as she took a cautious step towards the man. "She looks at you and still sees a little boy… What happened to you?" she wondered with narrowed eyes. "You know I've been undone, so tell me what your story is." It was only fair, seeing that he seemed to be an expert on her life.

"I grew weak," Loki admitted, his shoulders sagging. "I thought that I was a just ruler, a king that would make the All-Father proud… Yet I failed," he breathed, bowing his head. "My attempt to rule only disappointed my Father. I realized that in his eyes, I was always a disappointment."

Natasha folded, then unfolded her arms. She thought about reaching out to pat the guy on the shoulder, but the notion seemed awkward. Natasha decided to go for it, seeing that a hug would feel even more uncomfortable.

Loki felt her hand against his collarbone and immediately grabbed it, savouring its warmth. "I attempted to end my life, but something kept me from death. A temptation," he said in a hushed growl. "Greed lured me in and trapped me in worlds unbeknownst to the gods. I couldn't escape." Loki squeezed her hand as sweat perspired from his palm. "I was trapped, re-living the very moment Thor cast me from the Bifrost." His mouth fell open as the scene played in his mind.

_Loki was holding on for dear life as he dangled over the unknown abyss. And right when he looked up to beg for help, Thor-no- _Odin_ hovered above him, relinquishing the staff Loki had held onto, casting him out. _

"No," he stammered, "Odin. Odin let me die…" He squeezed his eyes shut, furiously trying to remember who it really was, but Thor's golden hair blurred with Odin's snowy white. "Neither," he croaked. "Neither wanted me."

Natasha felt his body sway forward and she tried pulling him towards the nearest wall. "How about you sit down?"

_"__Loki, __**no!**__" Thor's voice screamed._

_The trickster recalled giving his brother one last pitiful stare before willingly letting go, allowing for himself to fall freely. _

_Falling, falling…_

Loki's vision went black and he heard Natasha utter a curse.

"You're okay," Natasha assured him. She knelt beside his head just as his eyes flickered open. Loki's pupils shrank as he took in a ragged breath. "Hey, you're just fine," Natasha promised, reaching for his cheek. "Deep breath," she calmly ordered. "You panicked-it's alright," she soothing, running the back of her hand against his jaw.

Loki shut his eyes and focused on his breathing. 'Panicking' felt like an understatement. He was reliving his terrors, and the worst part was that he couldn't even remember what really happened…

"Here." Natasha offered him her hand. "I'll make you some tea."

Loki nodded and clumsily stood to his feet. He followed alongside Natasha until a shiver ran up his spine, forcing him to stop in place. Loki turned around, just in time to see a burst of multi-coloured light rain down near the elevator doors.

"The hell?" Natasha whipped her head around and pulled up the sleeve of her leather jacket, revealing her stinger bracelet.

The light began to subside and Loki walked towards it, despite Natasha's shouting, warning him to stay still. "Mother!" Loki ran towards the goddess' silhouette as the light cleared away.

"Loki, we must hurry!" she urged. "Come with me. Now!"

"You know I can't return to Asgard!" Frigga reached for his hand, but he stepped back.

"Loki, your father needs to see you!" Frigga warned in a grave voice.

"This isn't one of his tricks, is it?" Loki snapped. "Because I refuse-" The goddess grabbed his hand, yanking him close.

'Heimdall' was the last thing Natasha heard before a bright light enveloped the Asgardians. Natasha shielded her face until the hall returned to its neutral fluorescent lighting. When her eyes re-adjusted, Loki and Frigga were gone without a trace.

* * *

"What is this all about?!" Loki demanded. One quick glance around his empty and bleak surroundings told him that he was back in his cell. "Mother!"

"I must go-please wait here. I will explain soon enough," Frigga hurriedly promised.

Loki opened his mouth to speak, but Frigga was gone just as suddenly as she appeared. "Damn it all!" he cursed. He stomped towards his bed and flung himself against the creaking mattress. Loki crossed his arms, swearing that he would throw a tantrum to end all tantrums if Odin was tricking him.

Distant footsteps clacking down the hall made Loki silence his thoughts.

"I can assure you that the prisoner is secure."

Odin's voice. And Loki would bet anything that _he _was said prisoner. Their footsteps stopped and the All-Father's voice was close, close enough to be mere feet from Loki.

Loki craned his neck, careful to remain inconspicuous to Odin's guest.

The man had a head of thick white hair, neatly combed back. His fur-lined leopard cloak rested over his left shoulder. Between the fur and leather garments and the heavy black eye-makeup, Loki wasn't sure which realm the man came from, let alone how this man knew him. Loki couldn't think of anyone who he had close ties with outside of his family.

The man slowly moved his head in Loki's direction. Before Loki could bury his face in the safety of his pillow, their gazes locked. "I wish I came bearing good news, however, a most dreadful prophecy has brought me here, Loki."

Unable to hide, Loki propped himself up on his elbows and left the bed to greet his guest.

"Ragnarok is upon us." He drew out the four words in a deep monotone. "And you are the one who will bring it upon us."

Loki helplessly turned to Odin, desperate for an explanation.

"I have made him mortal, Lord Tivan," Odin replied. "And mortal he will stay, under a very watchful eye."

Loki's knees locked up and his chest constricted as his heart sank to his stomach. How long had Odin known about this? Was it all one big ruse to get his hopes up, only to let them shatter in one foul blow?

Because Odin had just done a fine job.

The two men turned and left. Neither even bothered to turn back and give Loki one last pitiful stare.

Not even after he collapsed to his knees and howled bloody murder.

**"The air around me still feels like a cage  
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again..."**

**Snuff ~Slipknot**


	7. I'm tired of feeling so numb

**"****I do not want to be afraid**  
**I do not want to die inside just to breathe in**  
**I'm tired of feeling so numb**  
**Relief exists I find it when**  
**I am cut"**

**Cut ~Plumb**

Throughout all his screams and cursing Odin's name until his throat felt raw, Loki remained ignored. His neighbouring prisoners began to stare as the prince's mouth would stretch in a soundless scream, but the childish tantrum quickly bored them. One returned to his nap, another to counting specks of granite on the floor. The criminals' interest wasn't peaked until the fallen god charged at the mystical barrier and threw himself shoulder first against the invisible wall. Loki knew his action was foolish, but his blood was boiling, frying his mortal brain and leading him to believe that if he tried hard enough, he could magically escape.

He immediately regretted his chosen form of stress relief. Loki swore he heard something pop when his shoulder smacked the wall, followed by a crack as he hit the ground with a hard thud. He rolled onto his side and grabbed his aching right arm. There was no moving it. Loki was sure his shoulder was dislocated. He scowled and drew in a sharp breath as he forced himself to stand. At least the pain proved to be a decent distraction from his entrapment. Loki contemplated having another go at the wall. He hoped that by going headfirst, his skull would crack and he would bleed out. Anything was better than being stuck at square one… Loki felt that he had made so much progress, too. Right when he was about to become close with Agent Romanoff and earn her approval, he was snatched away. He doubted that he would ever see her again. She was sure to forget him in no time at all, anyways.

Loki shuffled towards his freshly-made bed and slowly lowered himself onto his side. It was back to the beginning again. Some things never changed.

* * *

"I told you," Natasha huffed, "Frigga came and took him. She mentioned Odin needing to see him."

"You think Thor's gonna come back?" Tony wondered as he stood beside Nick Fury's desk.

"Does he have business here?" Nick asked

"_Loki_ was his business," Natasha stated, folding her arms. She took a deep breath and leaned back in her chair. "And Loki didn't seem to mean any harm."

"He was made mortal," Bruce chimed in.

"Yeah, Romanoff nearly killed him," Tony snickered.

Natasha ran a hand through her hair, then began drumming her fingers against the arms of the chair. Somehow, 'I'd like to speak with Fury alone about this' turned into the science duo demanding where Loki went and trailing after her until she explained that he 'disappeared.'

One quick glance at Natasha was enough to tell Fury that she needed some peace. The narrowed eyes, the sudden twitch of her lip as her fingernails began clawing at the chairs upholstery-it told him that he needed to boot out two of his guests before Natasha did it for him. Fury rose from his chair and clasped his hands behind his back. "Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner," he began, "I'd like a word with Agent Romanoff alone."

"Yes, sir!" Bruce quickly nodded before turning on his heel.

Tony followed his companion towards the door. "You think she snapped and killed Loki?" he whispered on the way out.

Natasha mentally rolled her eyes at the comment and waited until the door clicked shut. "Like I said before, there was some sort of magic, and Loki was gone."

Nick took a seat in the chair beside hers and focused on his employee. "If he's gone to Asgard, there's nothing we can do about that. You already know that," he answered. "So why did you come to me?"

"We're on even ground, Nick." Natasha kept her eyes on her hand as she curled her fingers. "You know my secrets, and I know yours."

Their last discussion that began like this was just after the battle of New York. Natasha had slipped into his office and that was the first time in a _long _time that she came to him with her guard down.

_"__He got into Barton's head. Why does it feel like he's been inside mine?"_

"You're stronger than this, Romanoff." Those were the same exact words Nick had said to her before.

Natasha shook her head, eyes absently staring straight ahead. "He's been unmade," she said in a low voice. "He told me about him-about what happened… I know he's not lying, either."

Fury kept a careful eye on her as she spoke.

"He wants redemption and he thinks I'm the one who can teach him how to get it. Am I the person you want that advice from?" She turned her gaze towards her boss.

"You were high up on my list of offenders," Fury reminded her with a chuckle. "Now you're someone I would take a bullet for."

Natasha paused to let the compliment sink in. Would there come a day when she would take a bullet for Loki, given that he ever returned? "I don't trust him," she said after a moment. "But I know he wants to change."

"You think he'll turn on us?"

Natasha idly chewed her lower lip. "No." He was in pain-Natasha had been there before. All Loki needed was a nudge towards the good guys. "If anything, I can get another god on the team," she said with a laugh.

"I'm not ready to let that happen," Fury remarked.

"Not even if I start to trust him?" she raised a brow. "Wasn't I just as bad as him?"

"_You _didn't inflict millions of dollars in damage and try to subjugate a city." He cracked a smile, making Natasha chuckle.

"I'll keep him in line whenever he comes back," Natasha promised. "Just leave him to me and he won't get into any trouble." She got up, feeling ready to get some work done.

"Was that all?" Nick, too, rose from his chair.

"Yeah," she nodded. "That was it."

Natasha began to walk away, but Nick opened his mouth, making her stop. "Don't let him get to you," he warned. "I know you're tough, and that makes it harder to see you upset… Natasha."

She opened the office door and gave her boss a brief nod. "I've got this. But thank you," she added with a sincere smile before leaving.

* * *

_"__Do you always do stupid things like this?"_ _Natasha hovered over Loki, her fingers tracing over his right shoulder._

_Loki shifted, hoping to see her face, but the aching in his arm forced him to keep still. "I was angry," he sourly answered. "Odin refuses to acknowledge our marriage."_

_ "__Is that why you lashed out on him?" Natasha asked. _

_ "__He instigated it," Loki insisted._

_ "__You tried hurling books at him," Natasha reminded him, rolling her eyes. "Look at how that backfired…" She gingerly poked a tender spot at the edge of his shoulder bone. _

_Loki sharply drew in a breath of air and squeezed his eyes shut. "You should feel honoured that I was fighting for you!"_

_ "__Mm," Natasha hummed. "I guess so…" She brought her lips close to his ear. "But what's keeping us from getting married right now?" she playfully wondered. "Why do you need daddy's blessing?"_

Loki grinned as the pain began to ease away.

"Loki?"

"Yes, Na-" His eyes fluttered open as he was snapped out of his pleasant dream.

"Loki," Frigga hesitated, "please let me explain…"

Loki sat up, feeling the effects of his mother's healing magic ebb away. He rolled his shoulder, grateful that the pain was now gone. If only his accident had been brought about over Odin denying his marriage…The truth flooded back into Loki's brain, bringing the anger along with it. "He doesn't trust me!" he growled. "He never did! My powers were taken from me out of spite!" he shouted.

"Loki, calm down!" Frigga urged, waving her hands in front of her. "That happened before our guest came."

The man's lips flared up as he wrinkled his nose. "Is that what he _wants _you to say?! Because I am finding this **very **hard to believe!"

Frigga reached out to touch his arm, but he strayed away. "Oh, Loki, please trust me, if only for one moment," she pleaded. He turned his back to her, but with nowhere to go, Frigga knew he was listening. "That man is a stranger to your Father and I, unless you know him?" Her question was met with more silence. "He speaks lies. Whoever this man is, he is unaware that I am gifted with the prophecy, and Ragnarok is not upon us."

Loki cautiously turned around, wary of the goddess' words. "Then why does Odin seem to trust him? Why am I back in a cage?" he spat.

"He wants something, Loki," Frigga admonished. "Possibly something from you."

"I've never seen that man in my life!"

"Tell me…" She rubbed her hands together and hesitated from meting her son's gaze. "After you…" There was no safe way of phrasing it. "Before Midgard…" Frigga had barely gotten a coherent statement from Loki on the matter no matter how hard she tried.

"The abyss," Loki clarified.

"I'm sorry. But you told me you saw things… Met strangers…"

Loki swore he felt clammy fingers graze his cheek, a touch he recognised from one called the 'Other.' He shook his head, erasing the eerie feeling of ghostly fingers. "He was not one of them…"

"Did 'he' know this man, then?" Frigga prodded. "We can't be too sure…"

Loki had been given power, an army… He wouldn't doubt it if the Other had friends in higher places. Friends who were unafraid to track him down. Loki had lied, after all. Failing to conquer Midgard put Loki in a bad place. His mistake was going to cost him his life, but that seemed like a small price to pay. He thought about it, willingly sacrificing himself to Asgard's newcomer, but what would become of Midgard? Would the Other come to destroy it? Natasha's team struggled in taking down the Chitauri. They weren't likely to succeed if such an attack were to happen again.

"Loki?" Frigga could see that he was deep in thought, but silence wasn't going to help them.

"I suppose my life is at stake," he calmly assumed. "Given that this man knows of my crimes, then he is after my life… Midgard may be in danger as well."

"Then I am here to help," she promised with a growing smile. "Quickly now." Frigga began motioning him towards her.

Curious, Loki obeyed. "Are we returning to Midgard?"

"You are," Frigga promised.

"Does Odin know you are doing this?"

"He is going to need this cell for a man brave enough to lie to the All-Father."

Loki raised a brow as Frigga held his hands. "You plan to lock him up? Why wasn't this done sooner?" he inquired. "Was it necessary to bring me back here in the first place?"

Frigga gave his hands a gentle squeeze and looked down.

"Odin believes this man, doesn't he?"

"I don't believe a word the man says," the goddess quickly answered. "That is what matters most."

"Why? _Why _does Odin not trust me after telling me that he did?!"

"Ragnarok is a grave concern," Frigga noted. "Odin fears that he may be seeing something that I cannot."

"Is that possible?"

"It is very unlikely. The other prophecies have had no visions of Ragnarok. I will not allow for you to be made a victim, Loki. Your Father and I will find out what this man wants and handle the matter ourselves."

Loki's fingers twitched under her strong grasp. "What if he speaks the truth?"

"He doesn't!" Frigga snapped, looking her boy in the eyes. "I've seen what the future holds for you, Loki," she hinted with a grin.

Loki recalled his dreams with Natasha-the proposal, him calling her his wife, standing beside her before a sunset… "If it is anything like I have been imagining, then I believe you." He suddenly felt a warmth flow through his blood, from his hands to his arms, then through the rest of his body. "Your magic," he breathed.

"This should help you on Midgard until your Father grants you your powers back," Frigga assured him. She stepped back and began reciting a spell that surrounded the trickster in a golden light. "We will settle things here, Loki. Promised me you will behave."

Loki's body felt light as a feather. He watched as his Mother vanished from the cell's interior to the outer wall.

"'You have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.'"

Funny, those words sounded familiar. Had he ever heard them before? His legs began to disappear and he took one last look at Frigga before he was sent away. Only Frigga wasn't alone. He opened his mouth to scream as the man with white hair and dark eyes appeared behind her. "Mo-" He shut his eyes as he heard something shatter. When he opened his eyes, he saw that the outer wall of his cage had been destroyed. He then saw the newcomer, a crooked grin across his lips as he looked from Loki, to the ground. Loki followed his gaze and the last thing he saw before he vanished completely was a pool of dark crimson with Frigga sprawled in the center.

* * *

Natasha felt her phone's vibrations across her desk and she grabbed it the second before her ringtone went off. Bruce's name was flashing across the screen and she was ninety percent sure that the call would be about Loki.

"Can you come over here?"

She had been right.

Except Natasha wasn't prepared to arrive at Stark's grand penthouse to learn that Loki had locked himself in Bruce's bathroom.

"I heard a crash," the doctor explained as he shut off the stove. A teapot's whistling began to fade as Bruce removed it from the stovetop and Natasha swore she heard coughing down the hall. "Jarvis told me Loki was back," Bruce continued to explain as he began pouring steaming water into three separate mugs. "He was in the common room and wasn't looking too good. Vomited on the elevator up here," he added.

"Frigga wasn't with him?" Natasha took a seat at the bar overlooking the kitchen's sink.

Bruce quickly pressed a finger to his lips and glanced over to the hallway. "No," he finally answered, dipping teabags into the mugs. "Something happened," he quietly continued. "The look in his eyes when I asked about her…"

_"__Loki!" Bruce helped lift the man's body off the floor, but he refused to budge. "Loki, are you hurt?" He knelt to be at his level and worried about the trickster's sickly white palour. "How about we go upstairs?" Bruce calmly suggested._

_Loki's breathing was shallow as he refused to acknowledge the doctor's presence. _

_"__Loki?... Isn't Frigga with you? Or Th-" Bruce suddenly found himself staring straight into Loki's wide, frightened eyes. The former god's breathing stopped as his body began to tremble. "How about we go upstairs?" Bruce repeated, reaching for Loki's arm. _

"He's in shock," Bruce concluded. "Something must've happened to her."

Natasha listened for any signs of Loki in the background. Nothing. "Do you think she's dead?" she whispered, accepting a mug of tea from the doctor.

Bruce shook his head as he placed his hands on the countertop. "He wouldn't say. I didn't bother asking again, either. He doesn't look well."

"You think he'll talk to me?"

Bruce managed a small smile. "You're good with getting people to talk… Think you can give it a try?" he asked. "Just… go easy on him."

Natasha took a sip of tea and the two heard a door creak open. Stilted footsteps followed the sound and Natasha turned her head when Loki drew near. The redness of his eyes made his pale skin look even more sickly. Beads of sweat, or maybe water, possibly both, trickled down the sides of his face.

"Yes," Loki muttered. "Frigga is no more," he finished, his voice hoarse. Loki took a seat beside Natasha and accepted Bruce's offering of tea.

As curious as Natasha was for details, she held back and took another sip from her mug. "I'm sorry."

"Your pity will not revive her," he coldly stated. His fingers tightened around the mug's handle.

"You still wanna talk to me?" Natasha eyed him in her peripheral vision. "We were interrupted before."

Loki took several gulps of his watery tea, letting the water scald his throat on the way down. "I suppose so," he decided. Frigga would have liked that. He slammed his mug down, cracking it in half and making Bruce jump.

"Hey!" Natasha scolded.

Before she could say anything else, Loki had his head resting on her shoulder and his clammy hands reaching for hers. "How?" he sniffed. "How can she expect me to be happy?"

Bruce began to shy away, allowing Loki extra space.

"Sh-she's gone…" He hated how those words sounded on his tongue. "The only one who trusted me. Gone…" How warm Natasha's hands were. Loki nuzzled into her neck, craving her warmth. "She died because of me," he hissed, feeling Natasha's body shudder.

"She loves you." The response felt automated, but it was the first thing to come to Natasha's mind.

"I should be dead." Loki pulled away, his eyes glaring into the redhead's. "I. Should. Be…" Tears formed at the corners of his eyes as Natasha pressed a finger to his lips.

"That's not what she'd want to hear," Natasha stated in a hushed tone. "She died _for _you." However it happened, Natasha knew that it wasn't in vain. "Out of love." Natasha reflected on her old files, particularly the one describing a house fire that should have killed her. Only her mother had chosen to save her by tossing her out a window and into the arms of a stranger. If not for that action, Natasha wouldn't be alive. "Mothers will do that," she murmured.

Loki saw the uncertainty and brief flash of pain in the woman's eyes. "Help me," he choked as the tears freely spilled. "Help me to move on…"

"I will," she nodded. Rather, she'd try. Natasha never dealt with grief counseling, but Loki badly needed it. Sadness had a funny way of turning into anger, and Loki wasn't someone anyone wanted to see angry. "Let's go talk at my apartment."

Loki left his seat and began to shuffle alongside Natasha towards the door.

"You okay?" She stopped and found Loki staring at his hand while they walked.

"She left me with part of her magic," he murmured. "This is all I have left of her…"

Natasha watched as a tiny whirlwind of golden mist rose from his open palm. Great, he was no longer a normal weakling. But how much power did 'part of her magic' mean? Loki seemed to be in control of himself. For now. "Sounds like she trusts you."

The flare of magic vanished as Loki closed his hand. "Not enough to steal back my own magic from Odin!" he snarled.

There it was. The anger that Natasha dreaded. "We're not gonna talk about that, Loki," Natasha warned. "Come with me. We're going somewhere private to talk this out." She reached for his hand and Loki bared his teeth.

"There is no need." He swatted her hand away. "I will confront Odin with this matter myself!"

"Loki, no!" Natasha lunged at him and hugged his neck. She could've let him go, to disappear where she could never reach him, but not like this. Revenge wasn't the answer, and Loki would once again be viewed as the villain if he came seeking Odin in this state.

"This doesn't concern you!" He jerked his body to the side, but the skilled assassin fought back, locking her legs around his middle.

"It does now that you've asked for my help." Not only that-she promised her boss that she'd look out for him. Loki wasn't going to cause any trouble, even if on a whole other world.

"Tasha!" Bruce hurried over, a pocket knife in hand.

"I've got this!" Natasha shouted. "Just stay calm!" she warned the doctor. Loki starting a fit was more than enough. The Hulk didn't need to be showing up anytime soon.

Loki felt his rage start to boil over. "Unhand me!" He channeled a strong burst of magic and released it from his body in a silent flurry of pure energy.

The blow forced Natasha to release her hold over the trickster and sent her flying back into the nearest wall. The back of her head suffered most of the impact, making her lose consciousness for a second. "Shit!" she hissed after her body fell limply to the floor. Natasha heard a growl, but this one wasn't from Loki. She fought back a wave of dizziness and saw the doctor's blurred form charge at Loki with a blade in hand. "B-Bruce!" She hopped to her feet as the doctor swung the knife. Loki dodged the attack. Rather, he fell sideways after losing his balance.

Bruce and Natasha fell silent as Loki's body remained still for a good thirty seconds. The doctor observed the steady rise and fall of Loki's chest before he got onto his knees for a better look at his face. "I think he's unconscious…"

Natasha crawled over a moved a strand of hair away from Loki's face. "Must be exhausted," she mused, noticing how peaceful the man looked as opposed to when he was trying to kill her.

"Are you hurt?" Bruce finally asked, turning his attention towards the redhead.

"You know I'm fine," Natasha promised with a smirk. "I was more worried about you." She eyed the pocket knife in his hand.

"The other guy never showed up. I'd say that's an accomplishment," he shrugged.

"So what do we do about him?" Natasha got up and felt for the sore spot at the back of her skull.

"We'll leave him here," Bruce decided. "A nap should clear his head."

"Are you speaking from experience?" Natasha teased.

He began to chuckle. "Possibly."


	8. No one said what's lost cannot be found

**A/N: Yes, a new username to change things up! crazyotaku13my-chemical-romanoff!**

"You'll call me if anything happens."

Loki registered the nearby voice as Natasha's. His eyes squeezed shut as his mouth stretched in a yawn. He didn't feel as rested as he should have, but at least he had a dreamless sleep. Loki opened his eyes to find himself staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling. For once, he longed to be back in his cage, in his safe little box he was forced to call home. And in that home, Frigga would visit him, offering him books and food with a warm smile.

Loki closed his eyes and rolled onto his side before burying his face into the couch cushions. Frigga was the only thing he wished to have on his mind. He focused, inhaling the scent of a rose petal tea she was bringing him on a silver tray.

'Loki,' she would say in her tender, motherly voice.

'I'm right here, mother,' he would reply. Loki would then lower his gaze to begin fumbling with his fingers. 'I am so sorry, Mother,' he would add. 'Thank you for all that you have done for me. I really do love you deepl—'

The porcelain cup began to tremble on its tray. Loki opened his eyes in time to see his mother falling as if in slow motion. Her lips tried to form a word, a word Loki quickly identified as his own name. The teacup shattered all across the floor, spattering droplets of dark red liquid everywhere. Loki felt the warm liquid trickle down his cheeks. His eyes moved to his shaking hands, now coated with a sticky layer of fresh blood.

'Why did you murder her, Loki?!' Odin's voice bellowed.

Loki ended the horrific dream by bolting upright as his lungs struggled for air. He threw his hands before his face and found some relief in seeing that they were perfectly clean.

"Loki?"

He assumed that in his panicked state, he had brought attention to himself. "I'm fine."

Natasha drew closer to the couch with Bruce trailing behind her. "Are you hungry?" she wondered. "You've been out all afternoon," she added. No answer. Loki childishly turned his back to her as he curled into the couch. Natasha wasn't going to put up with him acting like this, especially after he tried to kill her. "You've had a rough time. There's nothing I can do and I'm sorry."

Bruce straightened, fearing that his partner's comment would set Loki off again.

"How about we talk?" Natasha gently continued. "Just you and me."

"I am believed to bring Ragnarok, Agent Romanoff," Loki announced as he forced himself into a seated position. "Am I someone you wish to be alone with?" He opened his hand and a miniature-scale Asgard formed in a hologram-like projection. "I am to destroy the place I called home…" The tiny city in his palm began to tremble as clouds of smoke billowed from towering buildings.

"Will you really do that? I thought you were better than that."

"My magic is limited and this body is still just as weak as yours. I will return to Asgard and take back my own powers. I will become a god…" He clenched his fist, crushing the miniature Asgard.

"Then why are you still here?" Natasha prodded. "Why not leave now if becoming a god means so much to you?" She folded her arms across her chest as her standing figure cast a shadow over him.

Loki glanced up at her beneath his lashes. "Will you not try to stop me?" he asked, voice hollow. "If I leave, know that thousands will die." He kept his eyes locked on Natasha's as his tone darkened. "Will you rest easily having more innocent blood on your hands?" Loki noticed the subtle clenching of her jaw.

"This is all _you!_" she hissed, grabbing a lock of his hair and forcing his head to jerk back. "I have no part in this-do you understand that?!"

Loki's eyes flickered to the doctor who was keeping a watchful eye on his friend. If the woman were to kill him now, then there was no point in worrying about Ragnarok, Odin, or the complete stranger with his false prophecies who murdered his mother.

"You think any of this will bring Frigga back?"

Loki didn't bother to answer the obvious question.

"If you want redemption, this isn't how you get it. Go back to Asgard and destroy everything," she growled. "That's your choice. Don't try blaming me for your actions."

"Odin expects me to bring Ragnarok."

Natasha motioned for Bruce to leave. Dealing with Loki's problems were going to be more of a hassle than she imagined. "What happened to proving Odin wrong?" She took a seat next to him on the couch. "Acting out is only gonna prove you're the bad guy."

"Ragnarok is inevitable," Loki quietly continued. "According to the All-Father's guest, I am the one to bring it. Odin will believe a complete stranger over me." He forced a chuckle. "The same stranger who murdered Frigga. Right before my eyes…"

"Why would Odin trust someone who killed his wife?"

"Odin bore no witness to the murder." Loki laced his fingers in his lap. "Therefore, the blame will fall to me…" He recalled the white-haired man's devious grin. There was no doubt that this was part of a much larger scheme. "Frigga assumed that this man wanted something from me. I haven't a clue who he is…"

"What if you take me to Asgard with you?" Natasha suggested. "We can talk this out with Odin. You can't be sure that you'll be blamed."

"Do you trust me?" Loki solemnly asked.

"I trust that you didn't kill Frigga."

"And Odin will declare otherwise. I can no longer be trusted, Natasha," Loki warned. "With Frigga gone, there is no one to defend me. Did you know that Odin planned to kill me after I tried to rule your realm?" Loki shook his head and stared at his hands. "Frigga stopped him. She said there is good in me… Before we came here, Odin told me that he believed I could change. What a lie!" Every muscle in his body tensed. "I was a fool for believing him."

"You're not." Natasha reached over to lightly pat his balled-up fist. "You're innocent… Do you think it was easy for me to get off the hook and convince my boss that I wouldn't kill him where he stood?" Loki turned his head to her in a reverent silence. "I built up walls and I didn't want to let anyone in. I always worked better alone…" She drew her hand away from Loki's and onto her lap. "Clint saw there was hope for me, but I didn't understand what that meant. He was a stranger, but he spared me, even though he knew I was dangerous."

"Love?" Loki questioned.

"Even if it was, I only felt indebted to him. I still do," Natasha added, glancing in Loki's direction. "I wouldn't be where I am now if he killed me or let me go without any questions… Maybe there's another universe where I'm still the bad guy and I'm teamed up with you."

Natasha flashed him a smile, but he wasn't sure what to make of it. "Would you honestly take my side?"

"If I was against the Avengers, then yeah. Maybe."

Loki reflected on his dreams and wondered if their union was more than just a dream. For all he knew, there was a universe in which they were married, maybe even as an outlawed couple. "We would be unstoppable," he gently commented.

"It was a hypothetical statement," she reminded him with a laugh. At least it seemed to brighten his mood. "I really am sorry about what happened, Loki… She seemed like a great woman."

"She is." He hesitated and closed his eyes. "_Was_, rather."

Natasha observed his hunched over form and felt the need to pity him. He lost the only person who truly seemed to care, even his powers… but in that loss, Natasha felt that he had grown stronger. "You've changed from the last time we all saw you, and I think everyone on the team would agree that it's for the better."

Loki began to eye her in his peripheral vision.

"Frigga's seen your best side. How about you keep things that way?"

He lowered his gaze as he fumbled with his hands, his thumb massaging his open palm.

"She told me you had a dream that we'd all show you the right way. That's why you're here seeking my help. You're determined about this."

"Quite honestly…" Loki stopped fussing with his hands to stare at her somber face. "The dream was about you. Only you."

It now became clear as to why Loki insisted on talking to her more than anyone. Then again, she _was _an obstacle in terms of earning trust. "I showed you to redemption? What was it like?" A growing part of Natasha was genuinely curious, even if it was all just part of a meaningless dream. Deep down, she didn't know what redemption was like. Despite making a better name for herself, the crimes committed in the past were unforgivable in her eyes. Loki had a better chance at making amends than she ever would.

"Not redemption," Loki corrected. "Rather, you showed me what it meant to feel joy."

"You must have been dreaming, then," Natasha teased.

Loki absently shook his head as he recalled her silhouette at the end of a narrow hallway. "You were radiant," he murmured, losing himself in her bright green eyes. His surroundings disappeared as he continued to stare as if she would remember watching the sunset, or acknowledging that she was his wife. Not to mention his fantasy of making her body his.

Natasha furrowed her brows, currently judging his lustful stare. This wasn't what she signed up for. She abruptly left the couch and turned her back to him. "Promise me that you'll be the Loki who will make Frigga proud." She turned in time to see Loki realize the error of his actions. "Maybe, just maybe, I'll give you my trust."

"As if trust will get me anywhere now," he doubtfully answered.

"You don't know that."

"I will be eternally banished, left to live out a mortal life…"

"Maybe it's for the best," Natasha shrugged.

"I suppose," he mused. What more did he have to lose? What if the life of a god wasn't for him? He summoned a rose into his hand and offered it to Natasha. "I'm not sure if her magic will one day run out."

Natasha accepted the flower and lifted the velvety petals up to her nose. The rose was a bright red and smelled freshly picked. "Don't waste it, then."

"I will try my best not to," he vowed, admiring how serene the woman looked with the flower close to her lips. "Tell me," he interrupted. "How do you live with yourself after all that you have done? How do you live with your sins?"

"I move forward," Natasha said as she lowered the flower. "There's no going back, so I work to make wiser choices. People can change for the better, even a murderer like me."

"But you are a murderer no more," Loki reassured her. Natasha mouthed him a 'thank you' as he stood and approached her. "Does the pain go away?" he abruptly inquired, his lips pressed to form a thin line.

Natasha found her reflection in his pleading emerald orbs. "No." She wasn't going to lie, not when she knew that he would be living with his sins. "That's a burden you have to carry."

"But certainly not alone, I hope."

"No." Natasha glanced over her shoulder and saw Bruce peeking out from behind a corner. "You have me," she promised, her attention focused on Loki. "And Thor, and the rest of the team. We're not alone."

Loki wished she had stopped at herself. Mentioning Thor only threw salt into the wound. Loki assumed that the thunder god was home on Asgard, now discovering Frigga's lifeless body. It was only a matter of time before he returned for him…

"How about we get dinner?" Bruce suggested, hoping to lighten the heavy mood.

"You need to eat," Natasha gently told Loki.

He nodded as he muttered a soft 'yes.' Loki followed after Natasha as she and the doctor walked in perfect tandem. He couldn't fight the feeling of isolation, despite being so near to the two. Loki didn't truly belong here. His eyes fixed on Bruce's fingers as they gently grazed Natasha's hand. The man's digits worked to lace themselves with the assassin's, but she pulled away and folded her arms. Loki continued to observe, curious about the doctor's silent sentiment. As if Natasha would accept someone like that-why would she waste her time with that monster? Loki froze in place as his spiteful internal commentary came back to strike him like a ton of bricks. She would never want a monster…

"Loki?" Natasha turned and arched a brow. "Italian okay with you?"

He nodded, despite having no clue as to what sort of dish 'Italian' implied. Loki took a step towards Natasha, but a stabbing sensation in his chest forced him to lurch forward.

Natasha was the first to react. "Loki-what's wrong?" She hurried to his side and grabbed his shoulder as he dropped to his knees.

"Where is the pain?" Bruce asked him.

Loki clawed at his chest as he heard the distant rumbling of thunder. "I…" His insides cried out as he felt a shock of electricity consume him. "Thor," he choked.

A bolt of lightning struck right outside the building and the room began to quake. Bruce took a series of quick breaths to calm himself from the surprise.

Natasha noticed a stream of colourful lights rain down from the ceiling. "You might wanna keep breathing," she warned Bruce, already prepared for who was to come.

A bulky silhouette began to form as the dazzling lights faded. Loki found himself grabbing hold of Natasha's hand for support. He wasn't ready to return to his cage for a crime he never committed. Loki kept his eyes on the ground and watched as large leather boots approached. "I'm innocent!" he murmured. The set of feet stopped before Loki who looked straight up, into the heartbroken and tear-clouded eyes of his brother. "Trust me this once!" he shouted, grasping the redhead's hand even tighter. "I am innocent!"

"There were witnesses, Loki," Thor stated, clenching his fists.

"This is all a trick, Thor!" he spat as he stood on his knees.

"You should listen to him!" Natasha interrupted. Taking Loki's side could have been one of the biggest mistakes of her life, but her trust went a long way.

Loki felt a growing lump in his throat. "I would never…" His eyes began to sting as Thor gave him a stony-eyed glare. "I would never kill her…"

"The prisoners all saw it."

An illusion, Loki assumed, unable to speak since the accusations were punching him in the gut.

Natasha began to question the honesty in what Loki had told her. It could have been one big revenge scheme. A piece of their earlier conversation flooded back into her memory. _'Would you honestly take my side?' _In between all the honesty, he managed to bring her into it. Granted, _she _was the one to bring up working with him in another universe, but what it Loki planted that question in her brain? Seduction in an advanced form… He _wanted_ her to take his side. She was being tricked by the trickster. Natasha strayed from Loki's side and chose to watch the former god cower at Thor's feet.

"You tricked her into setting you free," Thor continued.

Loki lurched forward, shaking his head of the lies Thor was feeding him.

"And then you forced her to send you back here. You killed her right before you vanished," the thunder god recited.

Another burst of light, only this time, it was Odin to appear. The bearded man smacked the end of his long golden staff against the floor, making Thor step to the side.

Bruce grabbed Natasha's arm and pulled her farther away from Loki.

"Is there no end to your ways?" Odin scowled, his piercing gaze fixed on the trickster's crouched form. "After all that Frigga had done for you!" he shouted. "She is the only reason that you still live!"

Loki kept his head bowed in hopes that the All-Father wouldn't see the tiny puddles that dripped from his eyes and onto the floor.

"I will have no more of this!" Odin declared, raising his staff and pointing it towards Loki.

Thor averted his eyes, too fearful to look, and not brave enough to defend his brother from Odin's wrath.

The room fell silent, aside from an audible sob from Loki. Natasha took a step towards him, a potential mistake. "I don't think he did it," she spoke up. Had Clint or Nick never shown her mercy, she would be dead. Loki deserved one final defense after having lost so much, but not solely because Natasha felt like showing him mercy.

'_Frigga assumed that this man wanted something from me.' _

What would Loki have that a stranger would want? He had no magic, no communication to the outside world… But there was something he _had _that was of value. "How safely guarded is the Tesseract?"

Loki lifted his head, eyes wide as an epiphany struck him. _The Other, Thanos…_ They knew of the bargain Loki had entered in. With Loki's mission unfulfilled, then Thanos would need someone else to finish the job.

Odin straightened his staff as his good eye narrowed in the redhead's direction. "It is kept safe under my protection."

Loki thought back to the white-haired man sneaking into the dungeons-how did he manage that under Odin's nose? "Please go back!" he shouted. "You must! The Tesseract!"

An unidentifiable slur of sounds erupted from the All-Father's throat. "I will hear nothing more from you!" he added, the tip of his staff pointed at Loki's nose.

"You should listen to him this time," Natasha challenged.

"Would you care to take his place in my prison?" Odin snapped.

"Father!" Thor took a step to shield Natasha from his view. "She has posed a harmless assumption. Your quarrels lie with Loki."

"Heed her word," Loki warned in a hushed tone. "The stranger you have come to trust is scheming… Possibly working to bring about Ragnarok."

"I trust Lord Tivan's word over yours!"

Loki rose to his feet and a silver dagger materialized into his waiting hand. "You will rue those words. And thank the mortal woman who has proven to be a thousand times wiser than you!"

Odin's wrinkled fingers grasped his scepter until his knuckles turned white. "Make one move, Loki, and I will strike you where you stand!"

"Brother, don't!" Thor advised in a low growl.

Loki raised his blade, unafraid of the challenge. "I will be with my mo-"

The match was short lived as Heimdall's deep voice echoed to the small group. "The Tesseract has vanished from sight, my King."

The All-father looked past the trickster to find the mortal assassin glaring daggers at him.

"And with it, Taneleer Tivan," Heimdall continued. "Both have left my sight completely."

"How is that possible?!" Thor demanded towards the ceiling.

Odin lowered his head as he struggled to grasp what was happening. "Power," he finally answered. "A power far greater than my own…Heimdall!" he barked. "Return Thor and I to Asgard immediately!"

"And what about me?" Loki insisted.

"We will finish this discussion when I take back what is mine!"

"Then am I innocent?" Loki's question was left unanswered as Thor and the All-Father disappeared from sight in a split second.

"The Tesseract…" Bruce mused. "What made you think of that?"

Natasha watched as Loki turned his attention to her. "Our earlier discussion."

Loki's weapon fell from his hand as he dropped to his knees before the woman. "Natasha Romanoff," he breathed. "You've saved my life."

She attempted to dismiss his gratitude with a shrug. "The biggest problem is the Tesseract's location. We saw what that power did to Loki," she reminded the doctor. "Think you and Stark can get a reading on that thing?"

Bruce rubbed his hands together as he eyed the ground. "We have its readings saved… It's worth a shot…"

"As if that will help!" Loki didn't mean to discourage the scientist, but hardly anything slipped past Heimdall's all-seeing eyes.

Natasha shot him a warning glare. "It's worth a shot. Don't give up right now."

Loki licked his lips before giving her a brief nod. Had she given up on him by failing to piece together the importance of the Tesseract, he would be dead and unable to know just how brilliant this woman truly was.

**"****Wait, no one said what's lost cannot be found**  
**You are here to make it safe and sound,**  
**Oh we, can make it, out alive**  
**Fate, hath its way when all that's learned is sin**  
**Nothing really matters in the end,**  
**As long, as you, are with me, friend"**

**Lost Cause ~Imagine Dragons**


	9. Daybreak

Odin and Thor had left for Asgard, leaving Loki in Natasha's hands. Loki didn't blame them for leaving as unexpectedly as they came-with the Tesseract in the wrong hands, the fate of the realms was at stake, and as always, Loki was at fault. He made his way to the couch to slump down into the cushions.

"Everything worked out for you," Natasha remarked, side-eying the trickster.

Loki kept his eyes forward, idly staring down his blurred reflection in the TV screen. "Retrieving the Tesseract will not be an easy task," he glumly answered.

"It shouldn't kill you to thank me, you know." The assassin fed him a furious glare as the man continued to mope. "I saved you ass back there."

Loki lifted his head to meet her gaze. "Believe me when I say that I am truly grateful, Agent Romanoff, however there are more pressing matters at hand."

"How about dinner?" Bruce interrupted as he felt the tension thicken.

"Leave me," Loki shrugged. "I will stay right here."

"I don't trust you alone," Natasha warned.

"Funny," Loki huffed, "You trusted me enough to save my life."

"I was putting the pieces together."

"I think I'll just pick up some pizzas." Bruce reached for Natasha's shoulder and brought his lips close to her ear. "Deep breaths. Don't kill him."

Loki shut his eyes and began to chuckle as he felt Natasha's piercing gaze. He heard the doctor's footsteps come and go, follow by the gentle closing of a door. "You have picked quite the man to court," he drawled.

Natasha briefly exhaled as she made her way to the kitchen for a drink. ""I'm not 'courting' anyone," she loudly commented. Searching the fridge, she found some bottled waters, milk, orange juice… Nothing quite like what she needed, but she settled for the orange juice.

His mind wandered back to Bruce's hand reaching for hers. "He seems quite smitten." Loki's boots clacked against the floor as he chose to approach her.

"Yeah?" Natasha slammed a plastic cup against the counter. "It's nothing. Don't you have other things to think about?" Her wording was harsh, but her private life was meant to be private.

"Oh, but I enjoy the distraction."

Natasha swore she saw him wink and she rolled her eyes as she poured herself some juice.

"I thought love was for children," he delved.

"And I thought you were mourning over mommy."

Loki smacked the cup from her grasp the second she picked it up. The cup clopped against the tile before toppling onto its side. "All I ask for you to be on my side!" he shouted. "Yet you-you _mock _me!"

Natasha kicked the cup across the floor as she eyed the sticky mess that covered her boots and surrounding tiles.

"My mother is dead because of me!" Loki tightly grabbed her wrist and Natasha's eyes read murder. "But who are you to know remorse?"

"You sure have a way of speaking to someone who spared your life!" she scoffed, jerking her arm free.

"I should have died before I ever set foot in that cell!" he shouted, letting out a strong burst of anger that had been kept bottled up for long enough. "Don't expect me to play the role of Natasha after she was saved by her archer friend. Believe it or not, we have our differences!" he snarled in her face. "I am not you, nor will I be subjected to acting in your shadow!"

Natasha swiped a dish cloth from the oven's handle and knelt down to start cleaning up Loki's mess. "Don't flatter yourself by even _thinking _you can be like me," she muttered. "I know how to show gratitude."

"I really _am _grateful." Loki observed the redhead crawling around on her hands and knees. "You don't know what it's like to be at blame for everything." He got down on one knee to be at her level. "Odin accused me, despite my innocence-you saw firsthand just how judging he can be." He reached for the fallen cup and began rolling it in between his palms.

Natasha stopped wiping to fold the soggy towel into a neat square.

"Unfortunately, this truly is my fault. Not killing Frigga," he quickly interjected, "but this mess with the Tesseract."

"If anyone can prevent anything bad from happening, it's two gods," Natasha noted. "And if shit hits the fan, then I'll do what I can to help. For now, leave this to Thor and Odin."

Loki softly chuckled as he tapped his fingers against the hard plastic. "I honestly believe that you can singlehandedly fix this," he admitted. "It was you who closed the portal, after all. Not only that, but you managed to trick me." He looked up to find that she was already staring into his eyes.

"I take it you aren't played the fool very often." She grabbed the cup from his hand, noticing a thin crack running down the cup's mouth.

"No," he smirked.

Natasha got up and set the cup in the sink and tossed the damp towel on the counter. "You're gonna be okay, Loki," she promised, turning to him. "Frigga's death won't be in vain."

"I certainly hope so," he nodded, lips forming a thin line.

"Maybe after this mess is cleared up, you'll get to be a god again."

Loki leaned against the counter and stared at his open hand. "I would trade my magic away in a heartbeat if it would bring her back…" His fingers curled up into a tight fist.

Natasha reached out to pat his fist. "That right there tells me how worthy you are." She felt his fingers relax beneath her touch. "Things always happen for a reason. It took losing both of my parents for me to get where I am today." She hesitated. "But I never got to know my parents. I was a baby." Natasha quickly realized that the 'dead parents' card wasn't the right one to play, after all. "That's nothing like your relationship with Frigga, though," she added, hoping to dismiss her effort in attempting to make Loki feel better. Cheering people up wasn't in her job description.

Strange, Barton had mentioned that her parents died when she was a child. Did he somehow manage to catch the Black Widow spilling the truth? "They were still your parents. How hard it must have been to grow up without one's mother and father…" he absently reflected.

"She was like a real mother to you, wasn't she?"

Until Natasha had asked the question, Loki had completely forgotten who he was. It was only for a moment, but in that tiny fraction of time, he felt whole. For an instant, he was Loki Odinson, born from Odin's seed and Frigga's womb. "Yes. She was." He abruptly turned away and headed towards the couch again. "I would like to rest," he announced.

* * *

Natasha's phone began to ring and she answered it after the first round of noise. "We haven't been fighting and he's fast asleep," she promised, knowing that it was Bruce on the other end of the line.

"Tasha, I need you to stay armed!" the doctor urged.

Natasha's playfulness disappeared in half a second.

"My phone's picked up readings from the Tesseract. They're close-it's headed straight for the tower."

"You don't think Thor's bringing it?" she wondered, eyes shifting towards Loki who was resting on the couch.

"Maybe, but better safe than sorry. I'm on my way back," he promised. "I need to call Tony and see if he's getting these readings."

Natasha ended the call and hurried towards the coffee table. She reached under and withdrew a gun, one of her many toys she kept secured around the tower. One always needed to be prepared. She turned the safety off and felt a set of eyes resting on her.

"What has happened?" Loki shifted himself into an upright position as he eyed the gun.

"The Tesseract is coming, and we don't know who's bringing it."

An image of the white-haired man smirking as blood trickled down his cheeks appeared in Loki's mind. "Do you suppose it's Thor or Odin?"

"I'd rather be safe than sorry," she remarked as she rolled up her jacket's sleeve to activate her stinger bracelet.

Loki watched her, unmoving as the picture in his mind panned down to Natasha's limp form sprawled at the man's feet. "He is coming for me," he choked. Natasha was not going to lose her life all because of his mistake. No one deserved to die an unfair death because of Loki's wrongs. "If it truly is him…" Natasha began to warily watch him. "I will go with him," he vowed. "These things happen for a reason," he murmured.

"You're not gonna give yourself up so easily." Natasha walked towards the bay window overlooking the city. Nothing looked out of the ordinary yet. "The Tesseract doesn't belong in the hands of a criminal." Her phone began to ring and this time, it was Tony.

"I'm suited up and locked onto our guy!" Tony stated.

Natasha stepped closer towards the window and looked left, then right. "Not seeing anything, Stark."

"Directly above the tower."

She glanced up but still failed to see anything. "Bring him in alive," she warned before hanging up.

Judging from the sound of things, Loki knew that it wasn't Thor or Odin they were waiting on. "I am so terribly sorry," Loki breathed.

Natasha shook her head. "This guy's ours, and so is the Tesseract."

An explosion forced Loki to flinch. His eyes darted up to the ceiling as he fretted over the outside battle.

"Looks like we've also got Banner on this one."

Loki stepped towards Natasha and easily spotted the Hulk charging past rows of stopped cars in the street. "If anyone gets hurt-"

"They'll be fine," the redhead assured.

"He knows magic in addition to wielding the Tesseract." _Magic…_ Natasha whipped her head around as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. "Thank you, Natasha, but this is my burden and I must face it alone." He closed his eyes and began channeling Frigga's magic. The warmth flowed through his veins and felt as if the powers were all his own.

"No you don't!" Natasha grabbed his wrist and pointed her gun at his foot. "You stay-revenge comes later!"

"I pray that you will forgive me for this," Loki sighed.

Natasha observed Loki's face, but his lips weren't moving as the words left his mouth. Her brows furrowed together before she threw a punch at Loki's face. The man's form began to crumble until the pieces vanished into nothing. "_Shit!_" she hissed as she turned on her heel and darted towards the door.

* * *

The bright blue glow of the Tesseract caught Loki's eye in a second. "Lord Tivan!" Loki shouted from the rooftop of Stark Tower. The red and gold blur of the Iron Man suit became clear as the metal-clad man halted in midair. "Your quarrel lies with me. Leave everyone else out of this!" Looking up into the sky and seeing Lord Tivan hovering feet above him, he could see that the man's darkly painted eyes were fixed on him. Loki stood still as the man drew closer, closer, until he was standing toe to toe Loki.

"The Tesseract wasn't the only thing I stole from Asgard…" He held up his left hand, clad in a shining gold gauntlet three sizes too big. "There is nothing that can be kept hidden from the Collector's reach," he chuckled. He took a step closer to Loki, his animal-printed cloak catching a gentle breeze. "I would love to have a Jotun in my collection. Fascinating…" His grin widened as he grabbed Loki's chin.

Loki scowled, but he didn't deny the stranger's touch. Heimdall was sure to spot Tivan's location, and when he did, Thor and Odin would come rushing.

"Drop the cube and freeze!" Tony's voice echoed from his suit's speakers.

"And lose such a valuable piece to my collection?" the man scoffed. "Only five more needed to complete my rare set!" His eyes brightened as he admired the Tesseract in his gloved hand.

Loki stepped away from the collector, seeing only the man who murdered his mother. "Greed always gets the better of us," he darkly taunted.

"And I am in love with my lust," Tivan nodded. "To have what no one else

pos-"

The Hulk leapt up onto the roof and grabbed the Collector's upper body in one hand.

Now it was Loki's turn to smirk. "There is a place on Asgard for liars and killers. The All-Father will put you in your proper place."

"Let's take him in!" Tony ordered as he landed. "Don't let him go, big guy, we'll get him in cuffs soon."

The Hulk nodded and squeezed the man's torso until the gauntlet and blue cube slipped from his grasp.

The two Avengers headed towards the rooftop door, but Loki remained, staring idly at the Infinity items. After a moment alone on peace, a set of quiet footsteps snuck up on him. "Will you carry these inside?" he asked upon inhaling a muted floral scent.

"No problem," Natasha answered. She knelt down and carefully lifted the items, surprised by just how heavy they were. "You're not bearing this burden alone." The corner of her lip curled up as she playfully elbowed him in the side.

Loki returned the smile and his mind wandered to Natasha's earlier words-things happen for a reason. Perhaps Frigga's death was inevitable, a tragedy that happened in an effort to bring him to Natasha. And if Loki's dreams were visions of what was to come, then he was close to his destiny, his happiness.

**"****And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth**  
**When you held onto me like I was your little life raft**  
**Please know that you were mine as well"**

**Daybreak ~Snow Patrol**


	10. Desired Things

**"Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. **

**But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. **

**Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness."**

**'Desiderata' ~Max Ehrmann**

Thor and Odin made their return to Stark Tower moments after the Collector's capture. Odin made a demand that Lord Tivan be carefully watched before he went to seize his Infinity gauntlet, the glove's fingers clenching the Tesseract as if for dear life.

Natasha didn't get a 'thank you' for holding onto the All-Father's belongings. She didn't complain, though. Loki didn't even get the apology he deserved. She noticed the trickster with his head bowed in shame after Odin wordlessly walked by. Natasha wanted to tell him that with Frigga's murderer captured, Odin had to know he was innocent.

But Thor motioned him away, and Odin made a quick round trip to Asgard and back.

The All-Father requested to be alone with Thor, Loki, and the newly captured prisoner, leaving Tony, Bruce, and Natasha to gather in Tony's living room to wait.

Steve had been in the building minutes after the attack and he joined his teammates and let them fill him in on what he missed. Natasha gave Clint a call and he showed up twenty minutes later with pizzas.

"Hear anything good?" Tony smirked once the archer stepped in.

"I'm the one who's out of the loop," Clint reminded, setting three cardboard boxes down on a glass coffee table.

"C'mon," Tony prodded, "you had to pass one-eyed Santa on the way up here. Unless you flew in…"

Clint furrowed his brows.

"Thor and Loki are with him," Steve clarified. "They grouped themselves in the hallway to talk."

Clint shook his head and reached for a slice of pepperoni. "No one out there," he said before occupying the couch cushion between Tony and Natasha.

Tony got up right as the archer sat down to run out the door to scan the hall. "Son of a bitch…" He then ventured into his kitchen to grab two six packs of beer.

"No wonder it's been so quiet," Natasha added.

Bruce trailed after Tony to go grab plates for everyone.

"You don't think they picked up and left for good, do you?" Steve wondered.

"Loki might be back," Natasha mused. "It didn't seem like Odin was too keen on making him a god again." She waited until Bruce returned with the plates to help herself to dinner.

"Sorry you've had to put up with that guy," Clint muttered before taking a big bite.

"He's not that bad," she shrugged. "But if I'm appointed as his babysitter, then I'm gonna need to have a talk with the King of Asgard."

"The royal babysitter," Clint teased.

Bruce overheard the joke as he reached past Natasha for pizza and began to chuckle.

Tony returned and set drinks out for everyone. He helped himself to a can of beer and popped open the tab. "On a good note, we're not the ones dealing with this," Tony commented as he took a swig of his drink.

Bruce sat back in his seat, balancing his plate on his lap. "Really?" he sighed. "The city could've suffered a repeat of an attack that happened less than a month ago, and you're relieved that we're not part of this? This _should _concern us, Tony."

"Stark's selfish. Can't change that," Natasha butted in as she reached past the stack of pizza boxes for a beer.

"Dr. Banner's right," Steve chimed in. "That invasion made us a team. We need to stick together and make sure nothing goes wrong again."

Tony side-eyed the Captain while picking off tiny bits of mushrooms from his pizza. "The Tesseract's back on Asgard. This only concerns Asgardians now. Last I checked, you were Captain America." He sank back into the couch and popped a mushroom into his mouth.

Steve abruptly rose from his chair as he pointed a finger in Tony's direction. "What's it gonna take for you to give a damn?! Having this whole place burn to the ground? What about all your money being taken? Wouldn't be much of a big shot, then!"

Tony gave Steve a long, silent stare while the rest of the team watched. Clint uncomfortably inched away from Tony, pulling himself and a half-empty box of pizza closer to Natasha's cushion.

Natasha rolled her eyes and helped herself to another slice of pizza from Clint's box. "If you boys are going to fight, do it outside."

Steve gawked at the redhead in disbelief. "Don't tell me you're fine with his attitude."

Bruce abandoned the lone kitchen chair that rested between the couch and armchair. He could already sense a heated fight brewing, so he chose to leave, fingers clenching the rim of his plate as he did so. One Hulk-out and everyone in the room was likely to break out into an all-out war…

"Geez, guys, can't you keep it together?" Clint mumbled. He felt the couch's weight shift as Natasha left to go after Bruce.

She heard the doctor's steady and deep breaths and she knew that he would be fine. "Good job," she said quietly as she approached his side. "Just like you've been practicing. Did you count to ten yet?"

He nodded and stared down at his plate of half-eaten pizza on the kitchen counter.

Natasha started to rub gentle circles along his back as his deep breathing exercise came to an end. "Perfect," she murmured. "Maybe we should get Stark to piss you off so you can get even better at this," she jokingly suggested. Bruce failed to see the humour. "Come on. Finish eating and I promise that when you go back out there, no one's gonna be dead."

"Not yet," he muttered.

"Ok," she agreed. "Take your time."

"No," he gruffly answered. "I mean… we haven't killed each other _yet_. Who's to say we don't kill each other next week? Maybe even tomorrow…"

"I don't think we're team material, either, but we pulled through during an alien attack," she pointed out. "Why the doubt? I thought you and Stark had something special."

"Bonding over science will only get us so far," he muttered, leaning back against the counter.

Natasha gave him a playful smack on the shoulder. "Well I've started to like what I've seen of the Science Bros. in action," she assured. "Seeing you two work on fixing this place up tells me that we've got something good going for us, this whole 'Avengers' deal."

"Let's say Tony and I can keep playing nicely. What happens when Tony and Steve can't see eye-to-eye?"

"First of all," Natasha lectured, raising a finger. "Stark doesn't play nicely with anyone. Period. But things work out. From what I've seen, Rogers wants to see this city peacefully up and running. I've seen him helping with damage cleanup every day."

Bruce managed a weak smile. "For someone who prefers working alone, you're sure keen on keeping us all together. Did Fury order you to do this?"

Natasha turned on her heel and shrugged. "I've only been observing everyone. And…" she turned her attention back to Bruce. "I don't want Nick to feel like Phil's death was for nothing." She noticed a hurt look in the doctor's eyes. "We all pulled through for him. You don't want his death to be in vain, do you?" He bowed his head and shook it. If only Natasha could tell him the truth that only a _very_ select few level 7 agents knew… "We'll pull through this."

"Quite the pep talk." He sheepishly grinned and reached for her hand. "It seems like you've got everyone's back, but the closer anyone gets to you, the farther you drift away. Except Clint and Director Fury."

"Years of established trust," she answered with narrowed eyes.

Bruce thought back to the day he hulked out and mindlessly chased after her as she struggled to run away like a deer from a hunter. "Natasha?" he quietly asked. "You know I can go through the yoga classes and meditation sessions alone, so why do you always join?" He noticed the redhead bite on her lower lip. The question had been on his mind for nearly two weeks since he first mentioned to her that he was going to make an effort to keep the other guy away. It was for everyone's safety, but he wanted her to know first since she witnessed just how frightening the Hulk could be. "Please-I'm curious," he pleaded. "Because if you want to earn my trust, then I'll work extra hard. Knowing that I hurt you kills me. I really want to make this up to you."

Natasha nodded and slowly met with Bruce's chocolate orbs. "What happened before wasn't your fault," she promised. Sure, the Hulk terrified her out of her mind. Natasha hadn't felt a rush of fear in so long-she didn't even think she could feel fear anymore. The adrenaline had felt nice, in an odd way. It was a challenge-an anger-driven beast who couldn't be reasoned with was charging after the spy who was so used to using her mind to manipulate her opponent and strategize what moves they would make. "You weren't in control. You really can't blame yourself for it."

Bruce's eyes lit up with gratitude at her statement. "It really means a lot to hear you say that, Natasha." How was it that she could so easily forgive him? After the Chitauri mess was all over, he learned that she had suffered a sprained ankle, courtesy of a metal pipe that his other half was at fault for. Not to mention her tossed her straight into steel wall… "I am really sorry. I'm still going to keep apologizing…"

"Now I feel like I'm with Loki," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Is that a bad thing?" he chuckled.

"Not gonna lie, Bruce, the guy's not all that bad," she admitted. Natasha trusted that Bruce wouldn't repeat what she had just said to anyone else. "You must think I'm nuts for saying that, but when he's not brainwashing your partner, he's just a guy with family issues. And he's been needing a lot of comforting."

"And you wish to help him," Bruce finished. "Because the problems he's dealing with at home aren't his fault?" he guessed, wondering if there was a pattern in Natasha's need to 'help others.'

"The shit that went down here is one-hundred percent his fault," she noted. "But if this all stems from his 'being adopted' depression, then the guy needs serious help before some other world gets to have aliens destroy everything."

Bruce nodded in agreement. "Tony told me you were heartless, but you really aren't, are you?" he mused with a smile.

"It's one of my secrets, Doc, so let's keep this between us," she playfully warned. "Or you get what's coming," she added, sliding a finger across her throat.

"Scout's honour," he swore, giving her a three-finger salute. They fell silent and the two didn't even hear a peep from their teammates in the next room over. "You don't think they're dead, do you?"

"That, or Stark's passed out." Natasha started to leave the kitchen, but her name leaving Bruce's lips stopped her.

"Did you forgive him?" he wondered. "Loki?..."

Natasha shook her head. "I never did."

"Were you going to?" He was answered with a silence as Natasha left the room.

"Did the boys work it out?" the assassin called out as she regrouped with her dinner company. Only Clint and Tony remained, along with two slices of mushroom pizza and one unopened can of beer.

"Steve needed to blow off some steam," Clint absently replied. He was much more interested in watching Tony's thumb punch his phone screen as he struggled with a game.

"I'll get going, too," Natasha finished. "Don't stay up too late, boys," she teased on the way out.

It was after ten by the time Natasha left Stark Tower. She could have easily spent the night there, but she preferred the comfort of her own tiny apartment. As the streetlights guided her way down a fairly empty sidewalk, Natasha felt a lurking presence that she couldn't shake. After walking down one block, she could hear a set of heavy footsteps following her trail. The Black Widow was used to this child's play. Stalking was one f the oldest clichés in the book. Given that it was someone here to challenge her, they were doing a horrible job at it. Curious to test the theory, she made a right turn at the crosswalk and sure enough, the footsteps followed. Natasha wasn't afraid, though. In fact, it left her interested and she decided to humour her new friend. She took a turn into the first alleyway she could find and led her stalker down a path where the light couldn't reach them. Stingers were fully charged and ready. Natasha only hoped that her opponent was prepared for what he had coming. She finally turned around just as the man began to speak.

"Were you going to forgive me?"

Natasha's eyes easily found a set of bright green eyes and pale skin that was highlighted under the faint moonlight. "I thought you were on Asgard," she informed the trickster.

"We were," Loki admitted, "however I was left under Heimdall's watch while Odin was left with Tivan. I made him show me what you were up to."

Natasha clicked her tongue. "Spying on me from another world…"

"The perks of knowing Asgard's all-seeing eyes." Loki took a step towards her, his mouth in a thin line. "Thor is the reason I returned."

"But you're here only until you become a god again, right?" Natasha assumed. "You proved Odin wrong."

Loki shook his head.

Natasha was quiet as she expectantly waited for him to explain.

He rubbed his hands together, then began to pick at the skin of his left palm. "Thor overheard Odin making a bargain with Tivan. It would seem that he knows the location of the other Infinity items and Odin cannot have said items be found by anyone. Chaos far worse than what I brought to your city will ensue. In exchange for the gems' locations, Odin was willing to trade me." He paused and tightly squeezed his left hand. "Apparently, I am a rare treasure worth collecting… The only known half-Jotun in existence," he growled. "Destined to move from a prison in Asgard, to a cage in the home of a renowned collector…" Loki took a deep breath, not ready to have a breakdown in Natasha's presence.

From what Natasha had seen of Odin, she wouldn't hold it against him to simply give Loki away. She watched the former god, someone who had lost everything and didn't deserve one bit of it. Natasha didn't even want to know how far Odin's cruelty reached. Loki deserved a punishment for his wrongs, not suffering. "So Thor is protecting you? What if Odin comes back here?"

"Heimdall gave Thor his word that he would tell Odin that I was escorted back into the dungeons. Thor agreed to take the blame for my 'escape' and Odin best pray that Tivan doesn't inform Thanos that the Tesseract and gauntlet are back on Asgard, along with the locations of the remaining gems…"

Natasha wasn't fully sure what these 'gems' were, but in her mind, they were all puzzle pieces that formed destruction.

"Odin doesn't stand a chance against Thanos. Even if he locates and scatters the gems before Tivan finds them, Thanos will bring Odin to his knees and torture him until he tells all. The All-Father will be no more, but he doesn't deserve any pity."

"Loki," Natasha said in a low voice. "Revenge isn't the answer you want. You're not an object to be traded, I understand that, but letting Odin take the fall isn't the answer."

"Oh, _you're_ one to talk!" he bitterly spat, drawing his face close to hers. "You say no revenge, but were you not the one to pull the trigger on an innocent girl who happened to be one of your tormentor's own flesh and blo—" Loki felt her fist bury itself in his middle, followed by a jolt of electricity throughout his entire body. His muscles seized up and he stumbled backwards and smacked into the hard ground as he uncomfortably shuddered from the aftershocks of Natasha's trickery.

"That was years ago," Natasha hissed as she towered over Loki's fallen form. She raised her leg and lowered her boot against the man's ribcage. The writhing of his body could still be felt underneath her shoe's thick rubber sole. He was lucky she kept her stingers on low. Loki deserved a hell of a lot more for his comment. This wasn't the first time he used Drakoff's daughter against her… "And I was just like you are now. Thirsty for revenge." She gave him a kick before straying from his side. "The only place that got me was back to the very place I was unmade." Natasha stared at the ground, unblinking. The memory was fresh in her mind, despite being decades old. Sometimes at night, Natasha would still hear that little girl's shrieks as a gun was held to her ear. "I thought revenge would bring me peace."

_"Put the gun down, Romanoff!" Drakoff had warned in his thick Russian accent._

_"Why?" A young redheaded assassin demanded. "So she can be made into a killer like me?"_

_His white teeth peeked out from beneath his moustache as his lips lifted in a smirk. "You are merely a toy. The Red Room's pride. Don't try to compare yourself to a little girl with a bright future." His smile fell. "Who are you to barge into my home like this?... Now lower the gun," he advised as his eyes flickered to those of his bawling child's._

_In that split second, Natasha saw the concern in his eyes, the longing that man felt to protect his child, as any good father would. That was the second her finger pressed the trigger. A shot rang out as a quiet 'fuck you' left Natasha's lips._

"Don't go back down that road," she warned, turning around to find him roll onto his side.

"Then what do you expect me to do?" Loki rasped. He clenched his fist and felt a tingling sensation begin to disappear. "Return to Asgard so I can become a display?"

"Thor knows where to find you," Natasha answered, walking towards him. She offered him her hand and helped him onto his feet. "If things get as bad as you think they will, then he'll come get you. I'm sure he's thinking of a plan right now."

Loki snorted at the notion of _Thor _using his head to conjure up a plan. Thinking had never been the thunder god's strongest suit…

"Thor deserves more credit than that. He still called you his brother, even when you were trying to destroy us."

"He has always been sentimental." He brushed off tiny pebbles and dirt that clung to his leather costume.

Natasha began to leave the alley and Loki trailed after her like a lost puppy. "You can stay at my place tonight."

"And tomorrow?"

"Stark can keep you," she answered as they walked alongside one another.

Loki fell silent at the comment. The assassin didn't necessarily want to keep him. He was just a toy to be passed around until it was to be thrown out. "Perhaps I am better off in Tivan's care," he mused. "At least he shows interest in having me around."

"Don't think that I'm just handing you off. My apartment's only got room for me," she clarified. "And my cat, so if you're allergic, you'll be stuck outside."

Loki clasped his hands behind his back and chuckled.

"And you'll be sleeping on the couch."

"Is that where all your guests sleep?"

Natasha glanced at him in the corner of her eye. "I'm always alone."

"Barton never visits?" he prodded.

"Rarely."

Loki paused to flash her a smirk. "And the Doctor? Does he ever visit?"

Natasha shot him a glare as they continued their way down a sidewalk. "You're awfully keen on assuming we have something going on."

"Are you helping him overcome his rage simply to prove that he shouldn't feel responsible for any harm he brought to you?" Or perhaps love was foreign to her. "Be yourself, Natasha," he began. "'Especially, do not feign affection.'" He sensed that she was giving him an odd look. "'Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and…'" His words began to drift as his feet came to a halt. He was quoting something. Nothing he was saying were his own words… An image of him running down a corridor towards Natasha raced through his mind, and as he ran, Frigga's voice recited those very words that had just left his mouth. He never did discover what that piece was called… Loki lifted his head to find Natasha eying him curiously. "Are those words familiar to you?"

Natasha raised a brow. "No, not really…" Loki's head fell and she knew she wasn't ready to deal with a depressed Loki. "We're almost to my apartment. I can look up whatever that was there," she promised.

A light flickered in Loki's eyes as he gave her a grateful smile. "Can you?"

"It's like Googling song lyrics to find a song title. No big deal," she shrugged.

"I believe it was a poem," Loki said, picking up his pace little by little in hopes of getting to Natasha's home sooner. She easily kept up and grabbed his hand to force him to make a left. "Frigga recited it to me, but I never bothered to ask what it was…She left me with the book and I searched for it, but my mind was distracted as I recalled what you had told me about love being for children."

"Then I'll take the blame if we can't find what you're looking for," Natasha agreed.

"I then began to question what would happen if my dreams were prophecies." Loki stopped himself there since he didn't care to mention anything about Natasha being his wife in said dreams.

"You never know, Loki," she absently answered as she led Loki up a set of steps. Natasha opened up a door and reached into her pocket for a set of keys.

Loki allowed himself into the warm building and after a brief elevator ride, he was finally in Natasha's home. The space was small, much smaller than what Loki had seen of Dr. Banner's home. He also sensed that her living space was empty. Loki was no expert on Midgarian homes, but there was a feeling of emptiness lingering all around.

Natasha motioned him over to a wooden desk where she kept her laptop and stacks of paperwork filed. She started up her computer while Loki looked around, curious as to where her cat was hiding. "What was that quote?" she asked, bringing Loki's attention back to her.

"'Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.'" Loki watched as her fingers danced along the keyboard as he spoke. "'Neither be cynical about lo-"

"'Desiderata,'" she interrupted. "It means 'desired things' in Latin." She began skimming through the poem but stopped when Loki's head obscured her view. "Hey, your mortal eyes can't be that bad…" Loki didn't budge, so she turned the laptop so he could have a better look. "This is it, right?"

Loki nodded as he took in every word. As he read, he could hear Frigga's voice speaking to him and that only made his chest ache. The last verse in particular struck him. 'Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.' _Happiness. _That was all Frigga wanted for him. She had to have intentionally been reading him this. Loki re-read the poem from the beginning, desperate to commit every word of Frigga's message to memory.

Natasha noticed a tear slowly roll down his cheek. She held her breath and watched it make its way down his jaw, down his chin, and landing with a silent splash on her desk. Natasha wasn't sure what to say to him, but thankfully, Loki spoke first and ended the uncomfortable silence.

"I'm tired." That was all he said before automatically making his way to her couch.

Natasha shut her computer and headed to her bedroom closet. She grabbed one of the spare blankets she liked to use in winter months, along with an extra pillow from her bed. When she re-entered her living room, Loki was hunched forward with his face buried in his hands. _Drop the blanket off and say goodnight,_ she repeated over and over as she drew closer. She had work in the morning wasn't about to have a grown man's sobbing keep her up. Natasha approached the couch and set the pillow and blanket down on the armrest. And then she left, overhearing Loki mutter something about happiness. Natasha stopped and without turning her head, she bid him goodnight.

There was no answer. The silence that Natasha had always enjoyed only felt painful now.

Then she turned back around, back to Loki. This wasn't what she was trained for, but a nagging part of her brain told her that in helping him, she was helping herself. Because that was who she saw in him.

Natasha sat down beside Loki and rested her cheek against his shoulder. His body stiffened, so she began rubbing his back, hoping he would know that she was here to _try _comforting him.

They had both known loss and both had seen death. They lived lies, and those lies made them into who they were. Both knew pain, distrust, anger… One chose to live by a code of doing what was right to earn redemption, while the other believed that they were a rightful ruler, a hero in their own mind. Both chose to act out these codes in hopes that it would hide the horrors from the past.

But even the horrors were a piece of them, and that couldn't be changed.

Natasha felt Loki begin to relax. "Take a deep breath in," she murmured. "And out… In…" Loki soon began to breathe in time with her commands. "Out…"

For two souls who had been dealt a cruel hand, there was only one thing they could do.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.


	11. Heaven help me, I need to make it right

_"__We meet again, Loki." The dark, make-up-laden eyes of the Collector bore into Loki's._

_Loki glared at Tivan from inside of his prison enclosure and told himself that this was all just a dream. _Tivan_ was the one currently in the cell. Loki was on Midgard, safe with Natasha. However, he chose to listen to whatever the Collector had to say. If his dreams foretold the future, then paying attention was vital._

_"__You seem discouraged, Loki," the man drawled. "Don't tell me that you are still upset over mommy dearest…" He drew closer to the clear barrier separating them. "Or are you angry that daddy doesn't trust you?" He casually tossed his leopard-print cape over his shoulder. "He believed you killed her," Tivan added with a click of his tongue. _

_"__He now knows that you were her murderer!" Loki snapped, folding his hands behind his back and squeezing his fingers._

_"__No matter," the white-haired man smirked. "Thanos will come searching for me. He knows that Asgard is where you hide."_

_"__I hide there no longer!" Loki corrected._

_"__Know that he will come find me." _

_In the second that Loki blinked, he found himself staring into his own cell which now housed the Collector._

_"__And he will get his hands on the gauntlet," Taneleer continued, pressing a gloved hand against the invisible wall. "Then, he will kill the King, and Asgard will fall from there…" he calmly threatened._

_Loki clenched his jaw. Part of him was blaming himself while the other half warned that this was all a dream. Or a prophecy…_

_"__I will then come visit you, Loki, and before you become my treasure…" His hand reached behind his back. "I'll take a little something to keep you company…" _

_Loki uneasily watched Tivan's arm move and his body froze as he saw what the man dragged out from behind him._

_"__Does this anger you?" He raised Natasha up off the ground by her neck as she squirmed under his hold._

_"__She has no business in my affairs!" Loki spat, wrinkling his nose in resentment._

_"__Oh?" Tivan raised a thick, snowy white brow. "Then you won't mind if I killed her." His grip around the redhead's windpipe tightened, evoking from her a gagged cry._

_Loki threw himself at the barrier, his fingertips desperately trying to claw their way through, but to no avail. He refused to let more innocent blood be shed on his behalf. "I am a far better prize than the mortal!" His eyes focused on Natasha as she kicked and clawed at the Collector's coat. Loki knew she could escape the man. She was strong, far stronger than anyone he knew._

_Taneleer lowered his hand, allowing the toes of Natasha's boots to touch the ground._

_"__A half-Jotun runt such as myself is worth more than her common mortal blood," Loki continued, taking a good step back._

_"__Of course I know that!" the white-haired man sneered. "_You _are the only one who is giving her life any value." His fingers suddenly tightened around Natasha's neck until she became blue in the face. "And everyone you value just seems to die." Tivan frowned, then let his free hand tear away at the front of Natasha's catsuit. _

_"__Unhand her!" Loki leapt at the cell and pounded his fists against the invisible glass._

_Taneleer only grinned at the trickster's desperation as he removed his glove with his teeth. Then, with his sharp nails, he plunged them straight into Natasha's chest, forcing her to cry out._

_Loki heard a gruesome crack, followed by Natasha's piercing scream. He kept his eyes focused on her face as her features contorted with pain. There was another rare scream, making Loki flinch, but not once did his eyes leave her face; her pale, anguished face as her eyes bugged out and trickles of blood ran down the corners of her quivering lips. Loki felt the burning bile rise in his throat as he heard another crack, followed by a snap that jerked Natasha's head backwards. _

_The light vanished from her wide eyes and Loki held his breath as Taneleer's hand came into view. A stained red hand, presenting to the trickster what looked like a chunk of meat oozing a slick burgundy. Tivan brought his hand closer to Loki and suddenly, the barrier between them was no more. Unable to shut his eyes, Loki's mouth opened in a wordless scream as the small mound in the man's hand doubled in size, then shrank, then grew, in a slow repetition. _

_"__It is all yours, Loki."_

Loki lurched forward, gasping as he was finally free of the nightmare. He heard a groan to his right and turned to see Natasha glaring at him through her slitted eyes.

"The hell?" she groaned, scooting herself further away from Loki. A hand blindly reached for the phone in her pocket. 4:36.

Hearing her voice brought him a small bit of relief, but he continued to stare at her, wide-eyed. "Forgive me…" Loki took in her tired face, praying that he could easily rid his brain of the sight of her sickly white skin. She was alive. It was all a nightmare…

The guy looked like he had just seen a ghost. "What's with that face?" Natasha groggily asked. She didn't mean to sound crabby, but it was way too early for her to be rudely awakened.

"Nothing," Loki answered with the shake of his head. "A nightmare, is all. Please, return to your slumber…"

Nightmares. Natasha knew just how rough those could be. "Want me to turn the TV on for you?" she offered.

Loki shook his head as he fumbled with his fingers in his lap.

"Let me know if you need anything," Natasha grumbled. "I'll be down the hall." She rose from her place on the couch and gave her eyes another moment to adjust to the faint darkness. As she began walking away, she heard the faintest grumbling noise and paused for another glance at Loki.

He pressed his lips together as he felt his stomach grumble a second time in protest.

Natasha sighed heavily. "Follow me," she ordered.

Surprised, Loki turned to her and eagerly followed after her into a small space with a tiled floor. Natasha turned on a blinding ceiling light, forcing Loki to squeeze his sensitive eyes shut.

The redhead stood on her tiptoes to grab a box of cereal from atop her refrigerator. A half-empty carton of milk was next, followed by a bowl and a spoon. She tossed two generous handfuls of flakes and sliced almonds into a bowl before drowning the contents in milk.

Loki watched, curious as she placed a spoon into the bowl. Natasha made her way to her dining room table and set the food down before a chair.

"That'll tie you over for a few more hours, right?" Even if Loki's answer was no, Natasha didn't plan on giving him a full-fledged breakfast just yet. She wanted at least another hour of sleep before that happened.

"Thank you," Loki said as he took a seat. He lifted the spoon and began to stir around the contents of the hardly appetizing meal. His stomach, however, could care less. Loki helped himself to a big spoonful and chewed, surprised by the faint vanilla aftertaste upon swallowing. Natasha took a seat at the head of the table and observed as he brought the spoon to the edge of the bowl for a scoop of milk.

Natasha arched a brow as he sipped the milk, his mouth rising as he wrinkled his nose. "They don't have 2% milk on Asgard?" she inquired.

"The milk there tastes much richer," he informed her. "But it will suffice." He took another crunchy bite of cereal.

Natasha rolled her eyes as she excused herself from the table. "I'm going to bed, but I'll be up in an hour or two. _Please_ don't make a mess," she requested.

Loki watched her go, then fished around his bowl for another scoop of cereal. His chewing was now the loudest sound. He began to look around while he ate and let his eyes rest on a sliding glass door with the blinds drawn. The faintest traces of pinks and reds could be seen as the morning sun threatened to rise. It was there that Loki spotted a small silhouette crouched before the blinds. A tiny head bobbed up and down and Loki abandoned his food for a closer look.

The figure froze as Loki drew near. A set of pointed ears perked up while bright green eyes observed the stranger.

"Hello," Loki whispered. He dropped to one knee and outstretched his hand.

The creature rose from its haunches and gladly pranced towards Loki's waiting hand.

Loki smiled as he noticed a tail sway back and forth. Whether on Asgard or Midgard, he seemed to have a way with felines. "Aren't you pretty," Loki hummed, his fingers stroking the cat's raven fur.

The animal began to purr as he rubbed himself against Loki's leg.

"You're quite the friendly one." He carefully lifted his new friend and carried him to the couch. "Natasha must be good to you." He massaged the cat from the ears down to his back and quietly chuckled as the feline's back arched in approval. "She doesn't serve you that bland milk, does she?" he wondered, feeling the cat's gentle vibrations as he scratched the base of its tail. "Once all is made right, I promise to bring you the richest milk your tongue has ever tasted," Loki grinned. "Your kind deserves the very best," he added amidst his companion's persistent purring.

Loki's hand stopped and the cat's bright eyes flickered as he gave the human a judging stare.

"Well, I suppose I can give you some now." Loki chose to spare a bit of Frigga's magic to summon a saucer of milk.

The animal leapt back at the unexpected trickery, but as the saucer was set down on the floor, he jumped off of the couch and carefully approached it.

"It's alright," Loki promised.

Whiskers began to twitch, and in seconds, the cat was lapping up milk before Loki's feet.

"Good, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry milk here isn't to your standards," Natasha drawled as she leaned over the couch for a good look at her cat.

Loki's back stiffened as he whipped his head around. "You are supposed to be asleep."

Natasha hoisted herself up over the back of the couch and took a seat beside him. "Hard to sleep when you're talking to yourself."

"I was talking to the cat," he corrected.

Natasha ignored the comment and began rubbing her pet's back. "Is he being nice, Liho?" she crooned.

"'Liho,'" Loki repeated. "Well, it is a pleasure to meet you, Liho." He paused as he watched Natasha absently stroke Liho's tail. "Now that you know I'm not mad, you can rest assured," he grinned.

"Kinda hard to fall back to sleep," Natasha shrugged.

Loki's expression hardened. "Nightmares?"

Natasha flashed him a sideways smirk. "Hunger." She carefully stepped over Liho and headed towards the kitchen. "I'll make pancakes. I think you'll like them."

Loki took one last look at Liho before following after Natasha. "Do you, now?"

"It's kinda hard to not like them." She rummaged through a cabinet and pulled out a plastic mixing bowl.

Loki observed as she moved back and forth, grabbing a box from the pantry, a carton of eggs from the fridge, and more milk. "Natasha?" he asked, folding his hands atop the counter.

"Yeah?" She was currently preoccupied with measuring out a cup of powdery mix into a cup.

"You have nightmares," he plainly stated. "How do you manage?"

Natasha emptied the measuring cup into the bowl before staring up at Loki. "How much did Barton tell you about me?" she asked in a callous tone.

Loki fidgeted with his fingers while she began to whisk the bowl's contents into a smooth liquid. "He told me that you are haunted by your past at night… So I grew curious," he admitted. "After falling from the Bifrost, I was cast into a world of nightmares," he continued.

Natasha stopped stirring to stare at the top of his lowered head.

"Only they weren't nightmares," he revealed. "They were illusions that felt painfully real." He kept his eyes opened and focused on the intricate markings across the granite countertop. "Thor threw me into the abyss… In another, Odin cast me aside…" He slowly raised his head to meet Natasha's eyes. "I don't even know what truly happened. Everything became a blur…"

"And then you're not sure who to trust," Natasha quietly answered. "You lose yourself."

He gave her an understanding nod. She was the only one who could understand, and he was relieved to know that she felt the same as he.

"As much as I try to keep people out, there's gotta be at least one person you keep close." Natasha left the bowl and took a seat at her kitchen table. "I keep the circle small. Nick and Clint, they know my dirtiest secrets." Loki slowly joined her at the table. "More importantly, I trust them."

"And what happens when you lose the one person you could trust?" It was obvious who he was referring to.

"How about you trust me?" Natasha asked.

Loki turned his head away from her, towards the glass door. A pale orange glow began to peek through the shades. Loki rose from his seat and strode towards the morning sunrise that was finally bringing some light into the apartment. "That trust will be one-sided."

Natasha trailed after him and drew back the shades upon reaching the window.

Loki covered his eyes with his hand as the bright orange intensity blinded him. He looked out towards the city, finding that it wasn't all that different from his view of Asgard. There were far more towering building crammed together, and he could still spot a body of water in the distance, but something about the view reminded him of home.

"You haven't lied to me so far," she noted, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the morning glow. "I'm not saying that I _don't _trust you, Loki," she said, her eyes on his profile.

Loki turned to her, eyes wide for a second until the light began to sting.

"You're not a criminal. I know that," she continued, her bright red locks catching the sun's rays. "I got a second chance. So should you."

Loki stood in awe not only of her words, but _her._ The blood-orange hues filtering into the room brought him back to his first dream of her. "Your hair. It is the colour of the sunrise," he murmured.

If this was her big 'thank you' for giving him words of encouragement, then Natasha wasn't impressed.

"Perhaps my dream was trying to tell me something," he chuckled. "I always imagined us at sunset. And you were in a dress," he noted, a hand reaching out to cup her cheek. Her eyes flickered and he sensed her rage begin to build. "That was a dream," he stated to himself. Or prophecy? Loki's smile fell as he recalled his latest nightmare. He could still see Taneleer's charming smirk as he held Natasha's beating heart in his hand. Even if it was just a nightmare, Loki wasn't willing to take any risks. "Heimdall!" he shouted. Now Natasha was looking at him like he was a madman. "Heimdall, take me back!" he shouted again towards the ceiling.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Natasha hissed.

Loki drew his face close to hers. "Protecting you," he answered before their lips met.

The kiss was short lived, but not because Natasha shoved him away. Loki was gone. Disappeared, just as unexpectedly as his cries to a faraway god.

"You idiot," Natasha growled. Whatever he was doing, she hoped that it wasn't something he would regret.

**"A revelation in the light of day,**  
**You can't choose what stays and what fades away"**

**No Light, No Light ~Florence and the Machine**


	12. I don't want to run, just overwhelm me

"You mustn't be here, Loki!" Heimdall warned the second the raven-haired prince appeared in the observatory.

"I must speak with Odin," Loki snipped. "Midgard is in danger!"

Heimdall frowned as he closed off the outer portal. "Rather, the Midgardian is," the man assumed, side-eying Loki.

Loki's pupils shrunk at the guard's guess. "You've seen her die?"

Heimdall grew silent as he watched the fear in Loki's eyes grow. "I never spoke of her future. I only mention her after having watched over you with her at your side."

"But is she in any danger?" Loki said in one quick breath.

Heimdall straightened as he stood guard in the center of the bright golden room. "I have seen nothing of her future, only the present."

"You will warn me, though, won't you?" Loki approached the guard's pedestal. "If she is in any danger, you tell me." His stare hardened as he stared intently into Heimdall's soulless orbs.

"I will," he vowed. "The King is at his throne as we speak," he added.

Loki muttered a hurried 'thank you' as he broke out into a sprint. His run was short-lived, though. Once on the rainbow bridge, his mortal lungs barely helped him across twelve feet of the shimmering rock. He hissed under his breath and pushed on, trying his best to ignore the burning in his chest. There was still a long, long road ahead of him, and that didn't even count the voyage into the city of Asgard itself.

Loki found himself beginning to stumble as his knees buckled under his weight. He fell fast and slammed against the ground, whacking his skull so hard that he blacked out for a second. In that moment as Loki lay on the ground staring past the Bifrost's edge, an idea came to mind. A crazed, possibly delusional, idea.

His last fall over the edge took him to Thanos, where the whole mess began. Perhaps another trip would do it again…

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As much as he wanted to give it a go, his body refused to move. Helplessly sprawled across the ground, Loki closed his eyes and chose to wait for Heimdall to call upon the guards at the main gate to drag Loki to the King. Or what if he was dragged back to a prison cell? He opened his eyes despite the heaviness of his eyelids. The edge of the flickering colours of the Bifrost teased Loki with what lay beyond in the abyss. If only… Loki freely allowed for the darkness to engulf him. He felt free and weightless in his unconsciousness. A vision of Natasha, perfectly alive and well, was also a welcome sight.

Loki overlooked what had to be another dream, of him and Natasha standing before one another, hand in hand.

_"'__Strive to be happy,'" she told him. Their lips met, but only for a brief moment._

_"__Goodbye, Natasha," he answered before vanishing from her sight._

Loki wondered if it was a premonition. He couldn't stay with her, not if a threat could target her. Danger had a way of following Loki, and leaving Midgard was a wise choice.

The vision changed and Loki found himself with his head in Natasha's lap. Unlike an older dream of his, there was no laughing, let alone smiling. Tears were streaming down the woman's face, and the pool of red forming beneath Loki's limp body said enough. There was a gaping hole in his chest, and he recalled the Collector's stealing of Natasha's heart. If he could take her place during that tragedy, then he wouldn't mind dying. A hero's death was a noble thing. As much as it hurt to see Natasha so upset, she didn't deserve to die. Not when she had absolutely no business with the Collector.

The best part of dying? Loki would be with Frigga.

_Mother._

_"'__Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.'"_

He could hear her gentle and calming voice reciting the poem she seemed to love so much. Funny, he had almost forgotten what her voice sounded like…

_"__Loki…"_

So crystal clear, too. Almost as if… Loki's eyes fluttered open to find Frigga's familiar face smiling down at him. "Oh, Loki," she beamed, a hand stroking his cheek.

Loki held his breath and refused to do so much as bat an eye. One sudden move, and the vision would vanish. Wrinkles formed at the corners of her eyes as her grin widened. He forgot just how much he missed seeing that smile. "N-" A lump formed in his throat and Loki struggled to keep himself composed. He kept his eyes focused on her proud face. To lose her again, even in a dream felt overwhelming.

"What is it? Loki?"

Worry spread across her features and his eyes began to sting. Hearing her acknowledge him, care about him… Loki didn't realize how much he missed everything about her. "I-I'm sorry." His eyes squeezed shut and he was certain that when he opened them, she would be gone. Yet the warmth of her fingers on his cheek still remained.

A lighthearted chuckle. "_I _should be apologizing. My dear boy…"

This time, Loki's eyes flew open out of shock.

"I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain, Loki, but it was necessary."

"I'm dead," he blurted out.

Frigga burst into musical laughter. "No! Loki, not at all!"

He rolled off of Frigga's lap and gave her a questioning look as he lay on his stomach.

"Don't you remember who taught you all your tricks?" she hinted with a wink.

"A ruse," he breathed. His mother nodded and he felt a fire stir within his chest. "Dying right before my eyes!" Loki stood up on his knees to be at eye level with the goddess. "And it was all a part of your twisted joke?!" His nose wrinkled as he bared his teeth to her.

She knew that this would happen, and she knew it would take more than a simple 'I'm sorry' for him to let this go. "Please, let me explain."

"I blamed myself for your death!" he stammered as hot tears rolled down his cheeks. "I told myself that **I **should have been the one to die!"

Frigga immediately leaned forward to wrap her arms around her boy's neck. "Of course you did," she murmured into his ear. "You have a heart of gold, my dear Loki," she hummed, running her fingers through his greasy hair.

Her calming floral scent filled his nostrils and the tears fell harder. Loki eagerly embraced her and buried his face in the crook of her neck. Her warmth, her scent, her beating heart, it was all very real.

"I knew right from the start that Taneleer was bad news," she began to explain. "I…" she paused, voice catching in her throat. "I dreamt that he came to steal you away." She felt Loki's body stiffen. "I warned your father and we worked up a plan to capture him. We first needed to know exactly _what_ he wanted, so we allowed him to wander off. He chose to visit the dungeon for you, but we also learned that he was after the Infinity items, as well."

"And you saw it coming," Loki breathed. "Your…death." He didn't like the taste of the word on his tongue.

"I needed to prove my son's innocence," she stated, ending the embrace so she could stare into his eyes.

"He is here because of me," Loki reminded her. "Thanos sent him. And he will come to Asgard when he learns that Tivan is a prisoner here."

"Which is why we are sending him away." She pressed a finger to Loki's lips as his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "Back to Thanos' realm. Heimdall has all the gems located and your father will use their power to permanently seal the realm for good."

"Odin may use my magic to aid in sealing the realm," he quietly suggested. "There might as well be some use for it… Your magic has also helped me. Thank you for trusting me with it."

"Well," Frigga laughed, "you used my magic towards your good deeds."

Loki recalled the milk he gave Natasha's cat and managed a weak smile. "You saw?"

"He will restore your powers, you know," Frigga assured. "You've proven yourself."

"Have I?" The corners of his lips fell.

"With my gentle nudging, yes," Frigga proudly answered.

"Then he isn't completely for it," Loki sourly remarked.

"Loki." Frigga reached out to cup his cheek. "Have faith… After all, Natasha seems to have come around."

_Natasha…_The first thing he thought of was that horrible vision of him watching her final breaths. "I had another dream of her. I fear that she is in danger, and Tivan will be held responsible…"

Frigga rose to her feet and motioned for Loki to follow. "Tell me," she urged. "Let us go warn your father so we can have our unwanted guest sent away quickly…"

Loki nodded and briskly walked alongside her. He told her all about the Collector in the dungeons, and Natasha's life at stake… What he failed to mention was his own death that he foresaw. Loki could feel something ominous in his bones, and whatever it was, it needed to end.

Even if it cost him his life.

**"What if this storm ends?  
And leaves us nothing  
Except a memory  
A distant echo**

**I want pinned down**  
**I want unsettled**  
**Rattle cage after cage**  
**Until my blood boils"**

**What if this Storm Ends? ~Snow Patrol**


End file.
